Anthrocide is the official website for D.L. Hamilton, author of several Christian novels and essays.

Hail! Hail!

Oh brother, an entire week of misery. Keith forced himself not to react to his mom’s announcement. He knew that if he expressed what he was thinking, his parents would get hyper about how his attitude was going to ruin their trip. He did not want to start anything with them. It would get him nowhere anyway. His mom so looked forward to time with her sister, Keith’s Aunt Jessica, she would not take any negativity well, which in turn would anger his dad.

Aunt Jessica had married a divorced man with a daughter Keith’s age 11 years ago and moved a 12-hour drive away. The families tried to get together every couple of years, usually just for a weekend. That was tolerable. But now they had cooked up a full week at a lakeside mountain cabin out in the middle of nowhere. It was the lake his folks had taken him to on a day-trip last summer. Keith was in maximum dread. The lake was nice. He liked his Aunt Jessica well enough. His Uncle Brad—with whom his dad was good friends—was okay. It was the daughter that put Keith under.

Coleen was not a horrible person. At least, not in the classic sense. She was pretty—not gorgeous, but attractive: slender, shapely, athletic, blue-eyed with light brown hair. In fact, she would have been more tolerable if she were homely or something. But, no, not Ms. Perfect. At only 16 she was already one of those valedictorians-in-waiting: Straight-A college-prep student permanently affixed to the Honor Roll, elite choir ensemble member and frequent soloist, leading lady in two school plays and a community theater production, French Club president, Scholarship Federation vice-president, honorable mention all-star regional tennis player, Sunday School teacher for 4- and 5-year-olds, and on and on it went. She was everything Keith was not. Not only was she a model daughter, but a charter-member of the “in” crowd. Actually that was not quite true. She was not a member; the in-crowd formed around her.

Keith, in contrast, was completely ordinary. His GPA hovered between a C+ and a B-, he was a bench-warmer on the JV Football team, and had no special talents of note except as a passable rookie guitar-player. He was not a bad kid—never gave his parents any worry; at least nothing they knew about. He was not part of any clubs and such; he and his buddies just hung out. Listening to a steady stream of how Coleen got another award for a speech at the Lion’s Club, or about her organizing the collection of shoes for orphans in Mexico, wore him slick.

Then there was Coleen herself. She did not behave snobbishly. Nor was she overtly conceited. But neither did she shun or renounce all the awards and accolades that came her way. She just accepted them with grace and gratitude. To be truthful, he had to admit she was sort of in a no-win situation. If she had put-on a bunch of false humility about how she was so undeserving, everyone would have gagged at how phony she was. Still, between her and her parents no one could be around long without getting an earful of her latest achievements, even if spoken in a non-boastful, matter-of-fact way.

As for how she treated Keith, she was courteous and nice around him but it was about a millimeter deep. Thinly disguised just below the surface was, he felt sure, her disdain for him. She never said or did anything condescending toward him but, to him, it was unmistakable. He had tried now and again to strike up a friendship with her, but she remained cool and aloof to him, although to all external appearances, i.e. their respective parents, pleasant. If he talked about his school’s league tournament victory, she talked about hers’ State Championship. If he mentioned a movie he liked, she had read the book—autographed by the author, of course. If he expressed like for a particular song, she had seen it performed live at a concert.

Thus he now faced the prospect of an entire week of his summer spent in stiffly uncomfortable close proximity with Miss Teen America. He had tried numerous angles to get one of his buddies to come along but the few not already committed elsewhere could not devote an entire week to the trip. Besides, bringing one of them along would probably have been a tough sell to his parents anyway. “Coleen will be there, and it would be impolite to ignore her,” they would have said.

Keith was sure that by the end of the week he would be on the brink of insanity, or terminal boredom, or nausea, or perhaps all three. Yet, for the sake of peace in the family, he pretended to be fine with it. Not that he showed any enthusiasm; he was not that good an actor. But he gave no external evidence of discontent and his parents were more than willing to read that as approval of the vacation. The one silver lining was that there was a chance that “the guys” (his dad, his uncle, and he) might go fishing by themselves leaving the gals to occupy themselves separately. This would afford a lengthy reprieve from dealing with Her Excellency. His one fear was that she would tag along. Visions of her hauling-in a record-setting trophy catch while he drowned worms to no avail kept playing over and over in his mind.

The first night at the cabin went okay. There was enough commotion with getting rooms and bedding sorted out that little else happened. As for Coleen, she was much the same except that she had become prettier and shapelier than the last time he had seen her. It bugged him that the ice queen was now even more physically attractive to him.

The next morning the fishing plans got derailed when the boat motor was found to have a problem. His dad and uncle would need to head to the closest (which was not close) sizable town to get it repaired. The only thing Keith could imagine more boring than sitting around with the insufferable Coleen was sitting around watching some shade-tree mechanic trying to fix an outboard motor.

Unfortunately, shortly after the men left he discovered that this lake was in the only location in the state that had no mobile device access—no texts, no email, no social media, no videos, no way to download games, nothing. There was also no TV—by design; this was to be a place to “get away from it all.” Before the guys had left, Keith had found a battered acoustic guitar in a closet but it was missing the D-string. He had asked his dad to see if he could get one while they were in town but that was iffy and for now it was useless to him. So he put his earphones in and listened to music while playing solitaire with an old ratty deck of cards and silently lamenting not having gone with the guys.

There was an old radio in the cabin and while his mom and aunt yakked with each other they had it on some local talk station. He only knew that because he took his earphones off to go to the bathroom. The radio people were going on and on about some wealthy local woman named Farrah Dunhill having disappeared the day before with only an unfinished ransom note left behind. It caught his ear because of the name. Keith remembered seeing an ancient poster among his dad’s memorabilia of some big-haired hottie actress named Farrah-something. Odd name. He returned to the couch, the earphones, and the deck of cards to go stir-crazy while the women blabbed on incessantly and The Princess, also wearing earphones, was absorbed in a New York Times bestseller.

His mom was perceptive enough that after a half-hour or so of listening to him shuffle cards she piped up with a suggestion.

“Keith, honey?”

He cringed. Did she have to say it that way? “Mmph?”

“Brad and Jessica brought two mountain bikes with them. Why don’t you and Coleen ride some of the trails around here?”

Keith noticed Coleen look up from her reading. She raised her eyebrows with a pleasant little “You want to?” look.

Boredom can cause desperate behavior. Before he realized what he was doing he heard himself saying, “Sure. Good idea.”

Coleen put her reading down and seemed so delighted with the idea that he immediately began to worry. I’ll bet she’s in training for the Tour de France, he thought cynically, amid images of him being left in the dust.

“Mom, are the helmets in the van?” said Coleen. Her use of the term “mom” reminded Keith of her situation. Her biological mom had abandoned her husband and daughter and run off with some loser when Coleen was not quite four years old. He did not know for sure, but had the impression that she had not seen the mother since. About 18 months later Coleen’s dad had married Aunt Jessica and it would be hard to imagine a more doting stepmother. To Coleen she was “mom” in every sense of the word. Still, Keith had to admit that it was pretty impressive for Coleen to be as together as she was with something like that in her background.

“Yes, sweetie, under the blanket on the left side,” said Aunt Jessica. Keith hated bicycle helmets, believing that it was impossible not to look like a dork wearing one. It was not as if they would be in danger of being hit by a car; most of the trip around the lake was hiking trails. What did they need helmets for? Rogue pinecones? And who would turn them in for not wearing one out here in the sticks? Still, as he walked out of the cabin Coleen handed him one and began to strap hers on so he just went with the flow and followed suit.

“Just be careful and don’t get lost,” called Aunt Jessica.

“We won’t,” said Keith. “I hiked the whole trail last summer.”

The two women stood at the door and waved good-bye. “Considering they’re the same age,” Keith overheard his mom say under her breath to Jessica, “those two don’t really seem to get along very well, do they?”

“Oh they’ll be fine,” she answered.

“Which way?” asked Coleen as they got the bikes.

Keith pointed off to the right. “We follow the road for about a quarter mile then there’s a hiking and bike trail that follows the shoreline all the way around the lake.”

“Great, let’s go,” she said climbing onto hers. Her energetic enthusiasm reminded Keith of his “Ms. Tour-de-France” concerns.

“Okay, but since there might be hikers, we really shouldn’t go too fast.”

“Oh, no problem. Nice and easy is fine with me. I just love being out in the woods like this.”

They rode in silence until they turned onto the trail at which point it became uncomfortable silence. The trail, though twisty, was wide enough for them to ride side-by-side. Finally Coleen tried some conversation.

“So, got your license yet?”

“Nah. Just my permit still. Every time I plan to go take the test my parents are unavailable or something else comes up. Like, I was going to do it this week but, well, now I’m stuck here.” He immediately felt embarrassed at how that sounded—like he hated being with Coleen. She seemed not to notice.

“I totally get it,” she said. “I had hoped to get mine when things slowed down this summer but I’m still waiting for that slow-down to happen.”

“It makes it rough, not being able to drive. I mean, like, how can a guy ask a girl to a movie or anything if he can’t drive?” He suddenly felt awkward talking about dating to Coleen.

“Keith, mind if I ask you a personal question?”

“Go ahead,” he said nervously.

“Do you have a girlfriend? Y’know, someone you especially like?”

He cleared his throat. “No. I mean, I did; her name was Lesley, but it didn’t work out. How about you?” Then he shook his head. “Oh, never mind, dumb question.”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“Well, I mean, you’re Ms. Popularity. You’ve probably got guys lining up for a chance to, y’know, go out with you.”

“Humph, you’d be surprised. Truth is, guys all seem to avoid me.”

“What? No way! You’re, like, perfect.”

She slowed her bike to a stop and so did he. She glared at him and said with deep sincerity, “I’m not perfect, Keith. Not even close. I guess that’s part of the problem, though. I get recognition and achievements and stuff and people think I’m stuck-up.” She cast her eyes downward and looked as if she might cry. “Maybe even you have thought that at times.”

Stung with guilt, Keith evaded the question, speaking very gently. “Funny thing about that. I was just thinking the other day how all the honors and awards and accolades puts you in a no-win situation. I mean, you can’t very well refuse them, and if you put-on a bunch of fake ‘Oh, I’m so unworthy’ baloney everyone would know it wasn’t true. So about all you can do is what you do. Accept it graciously and just be your sweet self. Anyway, I don’t think you’re stuck up.” He left off the last part of the sentence, “…like I did earlier this morning.”

She beamed a beautiful smile. “Thank you Keith. Coming from you that really means a lot to me.” As she spoke she reached over and gave his hand a little squeeze.

That did it. He was hooked. He had now completed the warp-speed journey from grudgingly tolerating her, to genuinely liking her.

As if from some telepathic signal they both mounted their bikes again simultaneously and continued down the trail.

“I’m really not conceited,” she said. “I don’t consider myself any better than anybody else.”

“Of course not,” agreed Keith sincerely, his opinion on the matter having taken a rapid and dramatic shift.

“Want to know why I’m involved in so many activities and stuff?”

“Yes, absolutely.”

“This is not something I’ve told hardly anyone else.” That she was getting ready to bare her soul to him caused a lump in his throat. “You know how my mom—my birth mom—left when I was three, right?”

“Yeah. That must have been horrible for you, Coleen.”

She nodded and it took her a minute before she could continue. “Well, when I was about ten my mom—that is, your aunt—and dad told me she had died and took me to the funeral. They later told me they had tried several times before that to get her to just see me but she refused. So this was the first time I had seen her since she left. Despite what morticians try to do to make someone look their best, she looked horrible. She looked 80 but she was barely 40. Hardly anyone else was there.

“On the way home I remember Dad and Jessica talking to each other about how she had totally wasted her life drugged-out on crystal meth and that she had been no good to anyone. I made up my mind then and there that no one would say that about me. I was going to make a difference in the world.

“Keith, do you believe in something being a ‘God thing’? You know, something that God arranges in just a certain way?”

“I don’t know. Can’t say I’ve ever seen anything like that happen.”

“Well I did. That very Sunday the minister at our church preached on Ecclesiastes 9:10 that says, ‘Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom’ and Colossians 3:23 that says, ‘Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord.’ He said we only have a short time on this earth and we need to not waste it but make the world a better place for our having been here. I felt like God was talking directly to me and I never forgot it. So ever since then I’ve gotten involved in as many things as I can handle and when I do I give it everything I’ve got. I want to experience as much of life as I can. If there’s a book I like, I want to meet—or at least text—the author. If there’s a singer I like, I want to see her live.” She gave a little chuckle. “Of course, sometimes my dad complains that one of these days I’m going to bankrupt him with that kind of stuff.

“Anyway, that’s what motivates me. I want to be as involved in my life as I can be and not just be a spectator watching my life pass me by.”

Keith rode in silent contemplation for a bit, then said, “Wow. Yeah I see what you mean. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that you’re fantastic at everything you try.”

She laughed. “Not hardly! I took up violin a while back and after six months of listening to me screeching on that thing my parents practically begged me to take it back to the rental store. I can sing, but musical instruments are not my thing.”

Keith laughed, then rode for a while before finally breaking the silence. “You know what, Coleen? You have inspired me. I hadn’t really ever thought about life that way before. I think I’m going to stop just hanging out and wasting time on video games and stuff. I’m going to push myself to make a difference, too.”

She slowed to a stop. “You really mean that Keith? I mean, seriously? I’m—I’m an inspiration to you?”

He looked deeply into her, what he now considered, gorgeous blue eyes. “I really, really mean it. You are an inspiration.” Now he reached over and took her soft, dainty hand. “You’re pretty terrific, you know that?” Her smile of delight made his heart skip and he would have tried to hug her if not for their stupid bikes being in the way.

With a huge grin she began riding again, and as he again took his place beside her she beamed a look at him that took his breath away. He was no longer merely hooked; she had landed him and brought him into the boat. But what added fuel to the growing fires of infatuation was that, from what he could tell, she was experiencing the exact same feelings toward him.

They rode on for quite some time deep in thought, punctuating their contemplations with occasional glances and smiles at each other. At length he was able to pick the conversation back up.

“Y’know, you talked about musical instruments. There’s an old guitar at the cabin and I asked my dad to get the missing string for it. I know you’re an awesome singer. Maybe when we get back we could—”

His words were cut short by a loud, deep rumbling very nearby that went on for almost a full minute. Eyes wide, they both stopped and looked behind them.

“Keith, look at that sky!” It was the color of charcoal and ahead of them where the sun had been was now also dark gray. “I guess we were so busy talking we didn’t even notice how dark it was getting.”

There was a brilliant flash behind the trees to their right. Keith counted, “One-one-thousand, two-one-thousand, three—” The ground shook from the ferocious boom. “It’s not even a mile away; I didn’t get to five.” A sudden gust of wind came up from behind them. “Uh oh, that means it’s going to start pouring any second now. We better find some shelter quick.”

“How far from the cabin are we?”

He looked through the trees to their left out across the lake. He pointed to a section of the shoreline far ahead and to the right. “See that building way off over there? That’s the boat ramp area. Our cabin is maybe another half mile on around the lake from there. I’d say we’re a little more than halfway around the lake from where we started.”

A huge raindrop splashed on his hand where he was pointing while two others landed on Coleen’s back and shoulder. The sky lit up with an even closer bolt of lightning.

“We’ll never make it back,” said Coleen. “We better get moving and hope we find something…” Whatever else she said Keith could not make out amid the deafening thunder.

Just as they got underway a torrential downpour began in earnest. They rode as fast as they could, although it was hard to see through the driving rain. They managed to spot a side-trail forking off from the main one they were on. No use wandering around unfamiliar trails, thought Keith. Apparently Coleen felt the same way as she raced past it scarcely slowing at all.

He was convinced he could not have gotten any wetter if he had been riding through the lake instead of around it. He was beginning to think it was useless looking for shelter when he noticed that the raindrops were beginning to sting. Hail! he thought and at that instant saw another side trail, but as he passed it he noticed the silhouette of a small building a short distance up it. It wasn’t a trail; it was a path to a cabin of some sort.

“Coleen! Wait! This way.”

She stopped and turned around, as did he. At that moment the slushy rain turned to pea-sized hail. He led her to the little pathway as the hail now turned to marble-sized. As he got to the cabin he jumped off his bike. As she was getting off hers he draped himself over her back to protect her from the now-golf-ball-sized hailstones. They rushed up the steps to a tiny two-foot-wide porch over the door and one window. At least they were out of the pounding hailstones. The cabin looked abandoned and had a large padlock on the front door. The upper half of the window had a sizable triangular piece broken out of it large enough for him to reach in and unlock the lower half. He opened it and they both climbed through.

Coleen removed her helmet and he did likewise. “Good thing we had these,” he said. Then, putting his hands on her shoulders he looked at her with great concern. “You okay, Coleen?”

“Yes,” she said, wrapping her arms around him and laying her head on his shoulder. “You were wonderful, shielding me like that.”

He squeezed her tightly, loving her softness despite her being sopping wet. “I’m just so glad you’re okay,” he said, looking into her face and tenderly brushing a wet lock of hair from her eyes.

“I must look a fright,” she said.

“I think you’re beautiful.” Impulsively he gave her a quick, but to him heart-pounding, kiss. Then he felt sudden shock that he had been so bold. A guy could get belted for something like that.

But to his relief she smiled with delight and then spun around toward the interior of the cabin, taking his hand. Their eyes were adjusting to the cabin’s darkness. “Looks like it’s completely empty,” she said.

Keith nodded then noticed something under the small window on the far wall. “Except for this.” He led her over to a small wooden bench, on which he noticed the dust had been wiped away by two people’s bottoms. “Someone has sat here recently.”

Coleen shrugged. “At least it’ll give us someplace to sit while we wait for the storm to pass.” She tried to look out the window but it was mostly covered by overgrown shrubbery. “From the sound of it, it’s just rain now.”

As they sat on the bench Coleen’s foot kicked something. She reached down and picked up an old fishing rod with a severely tangled line that had a couple of lead-shot sinkers but no hook. She tossed it aside and sat down next to Keith.

“Wow,” he said. “I don’t think we could get any wetter. Are you cold at all?”

“Maybe a little.” He put his arm around her and pulled her close.

“Better?” he asked. She smiled sweetly and nodded.

“You know,” he said, his speech somewhat halting, “you had asked me back there if I had a girlfriend, someone I especially liked. Well, I do. Want me to tell you about her?”


“Well, for one thing she’s totally gorgeous.”

“Oh?” she said with a sly grin.

“Oh yeah, even when her hair’s all wet. And smart? She’s like an A+++ student. She’s going to have scholarship offers from every university in the country begging her to attend their school.”


“And did I mention how cute she is?”

“You might have.”

“Well she’s absolutely beautiful. And she’s really talented. She sings like an angel, gets all kinds of awards in speech and debate, is a terrific tennis player, and is the best actress around.”

“Have you actually seen her in one of her plays?”

“Well, no, but I’m going to see her next one, no matter what it takes to get there.”

“Wow, sounds like you’re pretty stuck on her,” she teased.

“Oh, you have no idea. In fact, neither did I till today. But now, I’m just nuts about her.”

“I don’t know; a lot of people think she’s pretty snooty.”

“No, no, no. You misunderstood. Pretty, not pretty snooty, just pretty. I did tell you what a hot babe she was, didn’t I?”

“Mm, now that you mention it… So what’s this chick’s name?”

“Coleen. Coleen Michaels. Surely you’ve heard of her. She’s practically famous.”

“Oh yeah, her. Well, I hate to break it to you, mister, but she’s already taken.”

He gulped, unsure whether she was still teasing with him or not. “Oh?”

“Yep,” she said. “She’s becoming hooked on some guy named Keith.”

A big grin bloomed on his face. “Yeah? Where does she know him from? I’m gonna punch his lights out.”

“Well he’s her—” Suddenly she stopped and pulled away, a look of grave concern on her face. “Keith?”

“What is it?”

“Are we, you know, related? I mean, we’re like step-cousins or something aren’t we? Is that a problem?”

He thought for a minute and then frowned. “Nah, it’s not a problem at all. For one thing I don’t think there even is such a thing as a step-cousin. And for another, we’re not blood related in any way. Your dad happened to marry my aunt, long after you were already on the scene. Look at it this way. Suppose we had fallen for each other first, maybe went together for years and even gotten married.” Her eyes widened. “Just an example,” he added quickly. “Suppose then your dad and my aunt got married. Would that mean something that was perfectly okay would suddenly be wrong?”

She shook her head.

“So see? We’re fine.”

Satisfied, she smiled. Then she said, “Still, what do you think our parents will say about you and me?”

“Well, my mom thinks you practically walk on water. I think she’ll be fine with it. Will yours?”

“Hard to say. Just in case, I guess we better keep any displays of affection to a minimum when we get back—give them time to warm up to the idea.

“Speaking of getting back,” she added, “looks like the rain has stopped. The sun is even coming out.”

The sunshine brightened the cabin enough that they could see more of it. Not far from where she sat Coleen saw something sticking up between the floor boards. “Hey look,” she said. It was paper of some kind and when she tugged on it the board next to it moved. She lifted the board and pulled out a spiral ring binder. Or, at least, the front and back cover of one. All the paper inside was gone. The back was gray pasteboard and the cover was red on the outside and white on the inside. As she sat back on the bench she saw that something was scrawled on the white section.

“Look,” she said holding it under the light from the window. “Looks like a kid wrote something; it’s so light and the printing is so bad it’s hard to make out.”

Keith, who at first had not shown much interest, looked at it more intently.

Coleen tried reading it aloud. “The first word is definitely ‘Help.’ But I can’t make out that second one. Looks like ‘Houston-something?’”

“No,” said Keith, “there’s an ‘E’ and a ‘B’ in there; House-something.”

“Houseboat?” said Coleen.

“Yeah, that’s it.”

“Then this at the bottom, fuh-RAH or something.”

Keith’s eyes got big. “Farrah! It’s the name, Farrah!”

“Farrah?” said Coleen, not comprehending.

“The missing woman! I heard it on the news on that radio this morning. A rich lady named Farrah was kidnapped around here yesterday and whoever did it left an incomplete ransom note. Her name was Farrah; Farrah Dunhill, I think.”

“That would explain the bad writing,” said Coleen. “She was probably tied up.”

“And probably used one of the lead-shot sinkers to write with.”

Coleen grabbed the fishing pole and inspected the sinkers. “Look, Keith.” Sure enough one of them had a shiny worn spot.

“We’ve got to contact the police and get this to them right away,” said Keith.

“But there’s no reception up here,” said Coleen, frustrated. After a moment she grabbed Keith’s shirtsleeve. “Where are there houseboats?”

“Remember where I pointed-out the boat ramp? I remember a couple of ramshackle houseboats just this side of it.”

“We have to go that direction anyway,” said Coleen. “Maybe we can find her and help her somehow. If not we’ll just have to send our parents for the police when we get back to the cabin.”

They both hustled back out through the front window and onto their bikes. They rode in silence a long while until they caught a glimpse of two houseboats about thirty yards apart moored a short distance ahead of them. Between the two was a small inflatable raft with oars and a tiny trolling motor. Keith pulled off the trail and they hid their bikes in some bushes. They stayed behind trees and brush until they came to the closest one. It was clearly not in use; one could see clear through the windows. It was just a hollow shell.

Suddenly a loud engine noise like a chain saw got their attention off past the second one. They worked their way around and saw a gaunt, unkempt man in boots and overalls using a leaf-blower inside a pickup. Its windshield had been broken, probably in the hailstorm, and the guy was apparently trying to blow the glass out of the cab with the leaf-blower. This worked to Keith and Coleen’s advantage in two ways. One, it made a lot of racket. Two, he had both pickup doors open and, since the truck was facing the second houseboat, he was less likely to see them. One thing gave Keith a chill, though. There was a rifle in the back window of the pickup.

“We have to go on board and see if she’s in there,” said Coleen. Keith nodded and they crept toward the water under as much cover of foliage as they could until there was nothing left but ten yards of open space between them and the second houseboat.

“One at a time,” he whispered. Coleen did not hesitate but started to go immediately. Keith wanted to argue about who should go first but there was no time. “If he spots you, I’ll create a diversion.” She nodded and quickly took off.

Without taking her eyes off the pickup she hurried across the clearing, onto the pier, and boarded the boat. She quickly got to the opposite side from the pickup and pressed herself up against the wall like in the movies. Good! thought Keith. Now she’s out of his sight. She nodded for him to come and Keith exactly duplicated her movements. They both crept up to a window and looked in. The interior was a reeking mass of filth but amid all the clutter sat an elegant-looking woman tied to a chair and with duct tape across her mouth. When she saw them her eyes got wide and pleading.

“Farrah?” mouthed Coleen. The woman nodded frantically. Coleen placed her finger on her lips although telling the woman to be quiet was unnecessary given her situation. Coleen and Keith ducked down and headed back to the stern of the boat.

“How are we going to get her out of there and past that guy?” whispered Keith. “He’s not going to run that thing forever.”

Coleen looked at the inflatable boat. “Maybe we won’t have to. I’ve got an idea. Go get those oars from that raft while I untie the houseboat. We’re not going to separate her from the boat, we’re going to separate the boat from him.”

Keith zipped off the boat and grabbed the two oars, one under each arm. He put them on the houseboat and helped Coleen unhitch the last mooring line. She put her hands on the stern of the boat and her feet against the pier. Keith followed suit. “Now push!” she said. They did with all their might and the boat began moving out into the lake. She jumped aboard, grabbed an oar and lay down on the starboard side so she could reach the water with it. She started paddling for all she was worth. Meanwhile Keith dug his feet into the sandy lake bottom and kept pushing the stern of the boat till he could not reach bottom anymore. Then he climbed aboard and did the same as Coleen on the port side. The pontoon houseboat was anything but streamlined and making progress was slow going.

Suddenly there was silence. The leaf-blower had stopped. A few seconds later the air was blue as the kidnapper used every cuss word imaginable to say, in essence, “Hey, come back here.” They were about 50 yards from shore as he sloshed in and began swimming after them. The combination of him being only a mediocre swimmer plus overalls and boots left him unable to catch up as Keith and Coleen paddled for all they were worth. By the time he made 50 yards they were yet another 30 yards away from him and he was tiring. He turned and headed back to shore.

Coleen ran over to Keith’s position. “You doing okay?”

“Yeah, I’m all right.”

“If you can, keep at it while I untie Farrah, okay?”

“Okay, but it will make the boat turn.”

“Well, isn’t our cabin off to the right a ways?”

“True enough,” he answered. “Okay, go turn her loose.”


Coleen entered the nasty houseboat cabin and quickly removed the duct tape from the woman’s mouth. “Oh, thank God,” said Farrah. “Who are you and how did you get here?”

Coleen was trying to undo the Gordian knot of ropes that bound her to the chair. “I’m Coleen and that’s my—my boyfriend Keith out there supplying the muscle to keep us moving. We found your note in the cabin.”

“Oh, then there really is a God. That has to be a miracle. I didn’t think that had any chance of working, but I had to do something.”

“I’m sorry this is taking so long,” said Coleen.

“I think you’ll find a large knife in the sink over there; that is, if you can find the sink.” Coleen looked for a few seconds then held it up. She came back and started cutting Farrah’s arms loose.


Just as she finished and they both began working on freeing her legs, Keith, near exhaustion, came to the door. “He’s in the raft. He’s only got a trolling motor but he’s gaining on us. And he’s got a rifle!”

Farrah’s legs were at last free and she stood up. “If you two will just keep rowing for a bit,” she said, “I’ll take care of him!”

“How can you do that?” asked Coleen.

“Because my captor is an idiot.” With that she opened a cabinet and pulled out a large caliber revolver. She ran out of the cabin and up a ladder to the roof.

Coleen and Keith resumed their paddling stations. Just as Keith did so he caught a glimpse of the kidnapper, now less than 50 yards behind, trying to draw a bead on him with his rifle. The earlier storm had made the lake a bit choppy so that was no easy task. As he lay down to paddle he heard a shot as a bullet tore into the wall less than two feet above him. He did not know whether to run to the other side of the boat or stay where he was.

Just then he heard four shots ring out right above him. It was Farrah Dunhill. Keith looked back and saw the kidnapper spinning his boat around to head back to shore but in seconds it sank beneath him. He discarded the rifle and began swimming back toward the pier. Keith let out a whoop.

“Great shooting, Ms. Dunhill!”

“Well, I didn’t have to be too good, just needed to hit the boat. And it’s Farrah. And you’re Keith, right?”

“Yes ma’am,” he said as she descended the ladder and Coleen joined them.

“I cannot thank you and Coleen enough. You—” Suddenly she burst into tears. “You risked your lives to save me.” She hugged them both and wept as all the terror she had experienced the last two days washed over her.

“Look,” said Coleen pointing ahead of them. A motor boat was speeding toward them from the rough vicinity of their cabin.

“It’s a water patrol boat,” said Keith. In less than a minute it approached them; two officers on deck had their weapons drawn.

“We heard shots,” said one. “Prepare to be boarded.”

“I’m Farrah Dunhill. These two wonderful people just rescued me.”

“Farrah Dunhill? The kidnap victim?”

“Yes, that Farrah Dunhill.”

They put their weapons away as one of them boarded the houseboat. “You okay, Ms. Dunhill?”

“Yes, thanks to these two brave souls. Oh and, by the way, my captor is back at the houseboat landing, assuming he didn’t drown trying to get back to shore.” The officer barked some orders about calling dispatch.

“You Keith Wagner? Coleen Michaels?” The two nodded. He got a look of relief.

“We’ve been looking for you, too.” He tossed a line from the houseboat to the patrol boat. “We’ll tow you back to your cabin.”

As the houseboat was towed across the lake, Keith and Coleen slipped away to the stern and stared into each other’s eyes.

“So I’m thinking we make a pretty good team of detectives, huh?” said Keith.

She took both his hands and put her face up close to his and spoke softly. “I’m thinking we make a pretty good couple,” she said. Then she kissed him, longer, softer, and sweeter than his impulsive kiss at the cabin.

Someone directly behind Keith cleared her throat loudly. He whirled around to see Farrah standing there with a smirk on her face.

“If you two love birds can tear yourselves away from each other, we need to switch over to the patrol boat.”

In the confusion that occurred once they got ashore, it took quite a while for everyone to get a clear picture of what had happened. When the two moms finally understood the dangers their loved ones had faced they both wept openly. Meanwhile the police took statements and asked redundant questions for what seemed an eternity. When they finally prepared to go, and to take Ms. Dunhill home, she once again told the parents how proud they should be of their brave teens.

“And, I have to say, they make the cutest couple,” she added. This caused them all to look at Keith and Coleen walking slowly side-by-side toward the cabin, arms around waists.

“Don’t they though,” said Keith’s mom as the others exchanged glances, wry grins, and raised eyebrows. “And to think, I was wondering if there was a way to get them to talk to each other.”

A Short Circuit

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