Anthrocide

Anthrocide.net is the official website for D.L. Hamilton, author of several Christian novels and essays.

PDA’s

Although the spill was sudden and accidental, it was not a surprise. As Mandy quickly fumbled to rescue her nameplate, “Amanda Wheeler,” from the growing pool of spilt coffee, Rob Galloway just shook his head. Nothing air-headed that Mandy did surprised him. He had commented just that morning to Dave, his co-worker, that she seemed to be a disaster waiting to happen. As an executive assistant she was supposed to be good at details and making sure things went smoothly, especially for Jarrod, her boss here at Cyber Paradigm, but also for Rob and the other reps who reported to Jarrod. Instead, every time Rob was around her, Mandy was fouling something up. So, no, her spilling coffee all over everywhere did not surprise him. He was actually more surprised that Dave had not had the same experiences with her that he’d had, and even more surprised that the straight-laced Jarrod put up with her. She was a cute blue-eyed blonde with pronounced dimples, but she belonged someplace waiting tables or something. Although, having just seen her antics with the coffee, he decided maybe the world was better off without her being in food service.

“Anything I can do to help, Mandy?” he asked purely from reflex.

“Oh, no, I’ve got it. I always keep some paper towels in my desk just in case.”

I’m not surprised at that, he thought. “I see you got a new badge,” he said pointing to the one hanging from a lanyard around her neck.

“Yeah,” she said while continuing to sop-up coffee. “They charged me 15 bucks for it. Thanks again for thinking quickly and hitting reverse on the shredder when I got it caught.”

“No problem, Mandy. I’m just glad you weren’t hurt. Having something around your neck caught in a shredder can be dangerous.”

“I’m not normally so accident-prone. You must think I’m a complete klutz.”

He decided to just leave that comment alone. “Sure you don’t need any help?”

“No—well, maybe you could get the spray cleaner from the top of that cabinet for me. I used cream and sugar and my desk will get all sticky.” His six-two frame that had served him well as a college linebacker would enable him to reach it—something that would require a step-stool for the petite Mandy.

At that instant Rob was distracted by the greatest distraction of them all: Amanda Sosna. As she stood at the other end of the aisle checking her phone, Rob could look at nothing else. She was the very definition of beauty. Dark hair, green eyes, kissable lips, trim yet voluptuous figure, she had a stately, graceful bearing that had supermodel written all over it. To Rob, she easily surpassed everyone on those “world’s most beautiful women” lists that magazines and blogs were always throwing out there. She had been born in the U.S. but both of her parents were from the Ukraine and she retained just the slightest hint of an accent, which made her even more alluring. As if that were not enough, she was a brilliant high-achiever who performed circles around Rob, Dave, and the other three reps on Jarrod’s staff. She was always cordial, even friendly, although beneath the surface one could not escape the notion that she had a pretty high opinion of herself. But then, how could she not? Yet, she had remained unreachable because, as one would expect, she was already in a relationship. However, at lunch this very day, Dave had confirmed Rob’s suspicions that Amanda and her boyfriend of 18 months had broken-up a couple of weeks ago. It did not deter him in the slightest that he might be catching her on the rebound. She was too perfect for him not to at least try.

He walked up to her as casually as he could. “Hi, Amanda. Haven’t seen much of you today.”

“Oh, hello Rob. No, I’ve been pretty busy.”

“Yeah. Of course, you always are. Hey, y’know I—”

“Rob!” came a voice from behind him. It was Dave. “Rob, Jarrod wants you and me in his office tout de suite.

Rob looked at the clock on the wall. “At ten minutes to five?”

“Yeah,” said Dave. “He said it’s imperative we see him before we leave today.”

Amanda waved and said, “Okay, see you later.” She headed to her office. Rob’s shoulders slumped and he followed Dave toward their boss’s office.

“Dave!” he stage-whispered severely. “Dude, I was just about to ask Amanda to dinner.”

“Sorry, Rob. I don’t think this will take long, though. I think it’s about the convention. You’ll probably have time to catch her afterwards.”

“Two more minutes,” groused Rob. “That’s all I needed.”

The two sat in Jarrod’s guest chairs and their all-business manager wasted no time getting to the point.

“David. Robert. I had two volunteers set to fly out to the convention tomorrow and now one of them, Peter, is in the hospital for an emergency appendectomy. I realize that being at a convention most of next week can be inconvenient in that it puts you behind on your other work. But our attendance is a necessity and we need two people: one to attend the sessions and one to man the booth. I’ve spoken to the others, but so far no one has stepped up. Everyone has some sort of excuse. Unless one of the two of you volunteers, I’m afraid I’ll have to just draw a name out of a hat.”

Oh great, thought Rob. I finally get a chance for a date with the woman of my dreams and they want me to be gone for a week. In a week she’ll probably already have another boyfriend.

“Tomorrow?” groaned Dave. “I scheduled my vacation for next week, remember? I’m taking my wife and my little boy to Disneyworld. It’s his first time. We’ve got all the tickets and everything and we leave tomorrow morning.”

Rob needed to stall for time so he could think up an excuse. No way he would volunteer. He would take his chances with a random drawing—although it would be unfortunate if Dave got picked and missed his vacation. “Who’s the other person going?” he asked.

“Amanda,” said Jarrod.

Rob’s eyes widened. “Amanda? Um, well, like you said, it’s inconvenient, but since you’re in a spot, sure, I’ll go.”

“Good. Thank you Robert,” said Jarrod. “I very much appreciate it. Jennifer at the travel desk has made all the arrangements. I’ll call her right now and have her switch everything from Peter to your name and email you the information. Thank you gentlemen and, David, you and your family have a nice vacation.”

As they exited the office, Dave elbowed Rob and laughed. “I notice you became pretty willing once you heard who else was going.”

“Omigosh,” said Rob. “A whole week with Amanda—and with most of our evenings free. This could be really great. Wish me luck, dude.”

“Will do, but you gotta promise to give me all the dirt when you get back, y’hear?”

Rob headed over to Amanda’s office but she was already gone. He pulled up the email from Jenny and saw that their flight left just before nine o’clock the next morning. He blew out his cheeks. Gotta get a week’s worth of clothes laundered and packed tonight and put a hold on mail delivery, he thought. This is pretty short notice—but well worth it!

The convention started Monday morning but since it was on the opposite coast, most of Saturday would be taken up flying and getting settled-in. That would leave dinner Saturday night and all day Sunday to be with the gorgeous Ms. Sosna. He wondered if there might be some sights they could see together and decided he would look them up as soon as he got home. He did not want to come across to her as one of those guys that shrugs and says, “What do you want to do?” No, he needed to be more of a take-charge kind of guy. He would have a couple of options for things to do, of course, in case his first choice was not to her liking, but he would be cool and confident. Most women liked that in a guy, and he felt certain that was true of Amanda.

When he arrived at the airport the next morning there was a sizable line at the bag check-in for his flight. He inspected it closely for Amanda but she was either not there yet or had been really early. Probably the latter, he thought ruefully. She’s a go-getter. I should have gotten here earlier. He decided he had better get in line in case she was already at their gate.

The line of people switched-back twice as roped-off by the short poles with retractable straps, and it ended just inside the last poles. He towed his rolling suitcase while carrying his shoulder-strapped sports duffel to the end of the line, still double-checking for any sign of Amanda.

“Rob! Rob!” came a voice from somewhere across the large, busy terminal. He was disoriented for a moment—the voice was clearly not Amanda’s and he could not be sure exactly where it had originated. Until, that is, he saw a rolling suitcase tip over and jettison the large carry-on tote, that had been riding atop it, fifteen feet along the tiled floor. There was no question: it was Mandy. She reassembled herself and hurried over to him.

“Mandy? What are you doing here?”

She looked nonplussed. “I’m working the booth at the convention. Didn’t Jarrod tell you?”

The light dawned. “Oh. When he said Amanda I forgot he ignores nicknames. I thought—oh, never mind.”

“You thought Amanda Sosna was coming.” She said it with neither smile nor regret, but the absence of the former spoke volumes.

He shrugged. “I—well—yeah, y’know, but it doesn’t matter. It’s fine. We’ll do fine.”

“Have you flown much?” she asked.

“Quite a bit, I’d say.”

“Oh. Good. ‘Cause this is my first time. Like, ever.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, and I might need some pointers. I’ve never even been in an airport before.”

He raised his eyebrows and blinked several times. How does someone get to be almost 30 years old without having ever been in an airport? he wondered. “I’ll help as much as I can, although it’s really not all that complicated.”

“I’ll try not to be too much of a pain. I’ve printed off everything I could about the flight and hotel and stuff,” she said while digging through her oversized purse. As she did so she bumped the handle of her front-heavy suitcase causing it and the bag on top to tip forward. As she grabbed for them her purse slipped from her hand and emptied half its contents at their feet. “Oh shoot!” she said.

Seeking to rescue the situation as gracefully as possible, Rob bent over to gather the purse and its disgorged contents; at the same exact instant that Mandy did the same. Like a gag from an old-time slapstick comedy they conked heads, at which point all those in line around them tittered with laughter.

Mandy rubbed her noggin and with a look of genuine concern said, “Oh, Rob, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”

Holding his hand over the corresponding spot on his head he quipped, “Yeah, there’s not much up there to injure. As hard-headed as I am, I guess you’re the one I should be asking if you’re okay. Are you?”

“Other than being embarrassed to death, you mean? Yeah, I’m okay.”

They both looked at the purse and contents at their feet. “Here,” said Rob. “I’ll hold your suitcase and carry-on and let you gather up your bag.” She nodded and squatted down to reload her purse.

He took a deep breath and shook his head. It was going to be a long week.

After Mandy collected herself they moved through the line in silence for a while. They watched a teen-aged boy a few places in front of them duck under the boundary strap and sprint off after something and then reverse the process to get back into line a few minutes later. Finally Mandy broke the silence. “Rob, um, I’ve heard about people losing their luggage. Does that really happen?”

“It’s happened to me a time or two. I’ve found it’s pretty unlikely on a direct flight but if you have to change planes, like we do, there’s always that risk. Usually it arrives on a later flight and they’ll bring it to you. But that’s why I keep some necessities like deodorant and an extra pair of socks and underwear in my carry-on—just in case.”

“Oh. Wow. I didn’t even think of that. Do you think I should try to…?”

Rob’s mind quickly played a scenario of Mandy struggling with her bags while in line and of embarrassing underclothes being dumped and scattered willy-nilly. “Nah,” he said confidently. “I’m sure you’ll be okay. Besides, there’s a mall near our hotel. If there’s any kind of mishap we’ll take the rental car over there and you can get whatever you need to tide you over. Okay?”

She smiled wanly, not even enough for her dimples to show. “Okay. You know best.”
He looked down at her suitcase. “I see you don’t have a luggage tag of any kind. Might be a good idea.”

“Oh? Will that keep it from getting lost?”

“Not so much that as it helps you make sure you grab the one that’s yours after we land.” Seeing her worried look he added, “But they have some little cardboard ones up there at the counter. See?”

She looked at the clear plastic container filled with white luggage tags with little elastic strings on them. “Should I just duck under and go get one, like that boy did?”

Rob shrugged. “Sure. Maybe get two. One for your carry-on in case you get separated from it. I’ll watch your bags.”

She nodded. They were near one of the posts and when she ducked under the strap she rose up too soon and lifted its plastic slide-down connector off the post. It released and zipped to the adjoining post with a loud thwack! That was followed immediately by a howl and a stream of expletives from an elderly man at the other end shaking his wounded hand.

“Oh, sir, I’m so sorry,” said Mandy rushing over to him. “I didn’t mean to unhook it. Is there anything I can do?”

“No, I’m okay, young lady.”

“Are you sure you’re all right?”

A glint came in his eye as he looked at the cute, shapely blonde. “I’m fine. It just surprised me more than anything.” He handed her the end of the strap. “You might want to put this back on, though.”

“Oh, yes. Thanks.” She took the strap and rushed toward the post from which she had disconnected it, nearly pulling over the one from which it originated.

Rob stepped in. “I’ll fix it,” he said, aware of the show they were putting on. “You just go get your tags, okay?”

“Okay,” she said. She reached into the container on the counter and, in trying to procure two, managed to pull about three dozen out which covered the floor at her feet. Snickers could be heard from those in line as she struggled to get them put back. At last she rejoined Rob in line.

“Sorry I’m being such a klutz. I swear I’m not normally like this.”

“It’s okay, Mandy. You’re probably just nervous about flying.” He said it, but he didn’t believe it.

“You’re probably thinking I’m a jinx and I’ll cause a plane crash.”

Rob immediately pressed his index finger to his lips, gave her a severe look, and shook his head. It was all he could do not to clap his hand over her mouth. “Yeah, you’ll probably need some plain cash,” he said extra loud. “Can’t buy everything with a credit card. Like if you want a candy bar or something, plain cash is what you’ll need all right. I can loan you some or we can find an ATM.”

She stared at him in confusion. He leaned close to her ear and hissed, “Mandy! There are some things you just can’t talk about in airports or on planes. You can get arrested. Look at that sign over there.”

The sign read, WE TAKE JOKES AND STATEMENTS ABOUT GUNS, BOMBS, AND CRASHES SERIOUSLY. THEY MAY BE GROUNDS FOR BOTH CRIMINAL AND CIVIL PENALTIES.

She clapped her own hand over her mouth, and whispered. “Rob, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”

He looked around and no one seemed to be paying any attention to them. “It’s okay. Just be careful.”

The person ahead of them stepped up to the counter and an instant later another agent freed up. Mandy somehow managed to check her bag without wreaking any havoc, and now it was time to go through the airport screening ordeal.

“Get your driver’s license out and have your boarding pass handy,” said Rob. “They’ll want to see them both.”

Although she fumbled mightily trying to juggle her ID, purse, and carry-on, nearly failed to remove her shoes, and got taken aside and “wanded” after forgetting she had some keys in her jeans pocket, she got through security without being arrested—something Rob regarded as a near miracle.

At last they were settled at their gate. Armed with their boarding passes and assigned seats, there was finally a respite from mini-disasters. Still, Mandy appeared harried, on edge, and the worse for wear. Rob felt a little sorry for her.

“So,” he said, “how is it that someone your age has never been in an airport?”

“My age?”

“No, no, I didn’t mean you look old or anything, certainly not. It’s just—”

She laughed lightly and it was good to see her dimples again. “It’s okay; I know what you meant. The thing is, my mother became pretty much an invalid when I was 17.

She and my dad had divorced so I was the only one to take care of her. She could get around a little with help, but not by herself. So I was her constant companion from then up until she died a little over a year ago. I couldn’t be away from her for more than a couple of hours—I mean, she couldn’t even get to the bathroom without help. So, I didn’t get out much. I dropped out of high-school and got a GED. I finagled classes at the community college so that I could always get back in time to take care of anything she needed. I got my Bachelor’s in Human Resources through one of those online schools.”

“So, how long were you her caregiver?”

“Ten years.”

“Wow,” said Rob. “Ten years. Were you able to do things with friends or at least have them over?”

“Not really. I had a couple of high school friends that hung out with me for a while, but they each went away to start lives of their own. Then, after that, well it’s not easy to make friends when you’re either at home or running home all the time.”

“That was quite a burden on you. Did you ever consider taking her to a facility?”

“Yes. Once. But as soon as I walked into the place the smell of urine hit me, and I walked right back out.” There were tears in her eyes. “Plus, since I was taking classes and not working, we were just scraping by on disability income. There was no money for doing that anyway. Or for hiring a live-in caregiver. So that left it up to me.”

“Did you ever resent it?” As soon as the words left his mouth Rob regretted saying them. Fortunately she took them in stride.

“Not really; not as much as you might think. My mom told me over and over again that I was a saint and how grateful that she was to have such a wonderful, loving daughter. It’s hard to resent someone who loves you that much.”

Rob felt himself choking up. He had a burning impulse to put his arm around her and give her a little squeeze, but that would have been totally unprofessional. Plus, he felt he had no right. He had, until that moment, considered her an airheaded ditz who, except for being cute, had no redeeming qualities. It embarrassed him to recall that he had openly expressed that very sentiment to some of his coworkers in quite colorful terms. He wanted desperately to apologize to Mandy, but there would be no way to explain why without hurting her.

“Did you say she passed away a year ago?” he asked.

“Yeah, in May.”

“That must have been tough on you.”

“It was,” she said. “Still is, in some ways. There’s not only the loss of someone you loved so dearly, but there’s also guilt.”

“Guilt?”

“Yeah. Guilt at feeling a sense of relief—of release. I’ve been kind of conflicted about it. Y’know?”

“I can see what you mean. But, you know, your mom up until the very last knew you were her loving saint of a daughter, and that’s what’s important. How you feel about it now, besides being completely understandable, cannot erase that. And it does not affect the wonderful relationship you two had one iota.”

Mandy’s eyes glistened. “That’s very kind of you to say, and very wise. Thank you, Rob. I hadn’t really thought about it that way.”

The impulse to give her a little squeeze was even greater so he decided on a change in subject. “So, with a degree in HR, how did you end up as an executive assistant?”

“After Mom died, I needed an income and jobs are hard to get without any experience. Fortunately Jarrod was willing to take a chance on me a year ago. But there might be a change coming.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” she said. “Promise not to tell anyone?”

“Absolutely. Your secret will be safe with me.”

“I interviewed for an HR position at Techworld Dynamics yesterday morning. It’s still a lower-level position but it’s a small increase in pay and a chance to get my foot in the door.”

“How’d the interview go?”

“Really well; at least, I thought so. They said they had some more interviews but that they’d notify me of a decision sometime this coming week.”

“Mandy that’s great. I hope it works out for you. Although, I’ll—”

The loudspeaker in the gate area blared, “ATTENTION ALL PASSENGERS AT GATE 21A. WE ARE NOW ANNOUNCING PRE-BOARDING FOR FLIGHT 872 BOUND FOR CHICAGO.”

“Is it time for us to go?” asked Mandy.

“No, not quite yet. That’s pre-boarding for people with special needs. Next they’ll call first-class and then us.”

Mandy got a concerned look. “Rob, I hate to bring something like this up, but how easy is it to use the restrooms on the plane?”

“Not too difficult, but you have to wait till we get up to cruising altitude and they turn off the seatbelt light. Plus, we have a window and a middle seat so you’ll have to climb over someone.”

“The ladies’ room is right over there. Maybe I better avail myself of it now while I still have a chance.”

“Sure. I’ll watch your stuff.”

After a minute or two he glanced up and saw her exiting the ladies’ room—with a length of toilet paper stuck to her heel and trailing along behind her. She turned and got a drink from a fountain as he rushed over to her. When she turned around he was right in front of her.

Her eyes wide with surprise she said, “Rob?”

“Mandy,” he said quietly, “turn around and back up against the wall. There’s toilet paper stuck to the heel of your right shoe.”

She looked down and extracted it using her other foot. “Omigosh. When I said I’d need you to help me navigate the airport I didn’t mean you’d have to keep stopping me from making an idiot of myself.”

“It’s okay,” he said gently. “I don’t think anybody noticed. It’s all good now.”

She sighed and rolled her eyes. “Thanks, Rob. Again.”

“They’ve just finished boarding first class so we better get in line.”

Once aboard, he gave her the window seat since she had never seen the world from 35,000 feet before.

It was odd, yet sort of fun to see her excitement as the plane taxied, took off, and quickly turned the city below them into a puzzle of miniature buildings and streets amid the vastness of the surrounding terrain.

“You doing okay?” said Rob. “Not scared or anything, are you?”

“Scared? Not hardly; this is cool! Look at that river down there. It’s just a little ribbon.”

“I’m glad. Some people get really frightened, especially the first time.”

“It’s just as fun as I hoped it would be when I volunteered to come.”

The flight attendant took drink orders and they each got ice water. Rob took a drink and then asked, “So, Mandy, with you having been sort of out of circulation for so long, what has been the most difficult adjustment for you?”

She took a lengthy drink of water. “Relationships. I mean, y’know, with guys. I sort of don’t know where to start—where to find eligible guys.”

“Mm, yes, having missed most of your high school and college years when there are the most singles around, I see the problem. In fact, I’m sort of dealing with it myself. Still, someone as cute and likeable as you shouldn’t have any problems. You’ll meet someone soon enough.”

She took another big gulp of water and then said, “So we’ve talked about my story. What about yours? You say you’re in a similar situation?”

“Well, only similar in a sense. I’m divorced.”

“Oh. I’m sorry. I—I mean, I’ve heard that divorce is usually a difficult thing to go through.”

“Definitely,” he said. “Especially when it’s my own fault.” She took another sip as he continued, shaking his head ruefully. “Lori—my ex-wife—and I were doing fine; at least I thought so. I mean, life had settled-in to a familiar pattern with us both working on our careers. I joined a health club and would work-out each morning. She didn’t like getting up that early so I went alone. While there I struck up an acquaintanceship with a young woman who, I quickly discovered, was being badly mistreated by her husband. You know: verbal abuse, constant bickering, complaining and blaming her for every little problem. At first, I just listened and sympathized, but it was clear to me that she was starting to suffer from some real self-esteem issues. So, I started countering that by complimenting her and reassuring her that she was smart, charming, and pretty. Well, that put stars in her eyes toward me and, I’ll admit, made me feel like a hero. Long story short, the result was a one-time indiscretion for which I immediately felt guilty. I mean, that kind of thing was of no help to her situation and I was sure my marriage had been fine up till then. So, I immediately broke it off with her and decided the best action was to come clean with Lori.

“I confessed all amid assurances to her that I would never contact the other woman again, that I’d go for counseling—either personal or couple’s counseling or both—and do anything else Lori wanted in order to obtain her forgiveness and help heal her heart.” He shook his head again. “Lori was furious and let me know in no uncertain terms that she was getting a divorce, no matter what I did. Then, and this is no exaggeration, in less than two weeks she was hooked-up, quite literally, with a guy she had reconnected with from her college days. And that was that.”

“Wow,” said Mandy. “Sounds a little like she was looking for an excuse.”

He shrugged. “Yeah. I sometimes try to tell myself that, just to ease my conscience. But deep down I know that if I had been true to my vows and put even half the effort into building-up my marriage that I was claiming I would put into trying to revive it, there never would have been a divorce.”

“So, how are you dealing with it now?”

“It’ll be two years next month since the divorce. The whole thing has produced a lot of regret and loneliness, but I’m ready to move on.”

She gave a quick laugh. “Yes, I’ve noticed. With a certain Ms. Sosna, right?”

“Am I that obvious? Humph, apparently not to her. Anyway, the whole thing with Lori has left me a bit gun-shy about women.”

“Well, it sounds like you’ve learned a lot. I guess the school of hard knocks often teaches the most effective lessons, if also the most painful.”

He smiled. “Humph, wisely spoken, Ms. Wheeler. I must admit, I fear I may have misjudged you.”

She exhaled deeply and plopped her head against the seat-back. “I know; all those stupid mistakes. I must have seemed like a bumbling nincompoop. But honestly, I’m fine except, well, except when you’re around.”

“Me? Why would my presence cause you any angst?”

Her eyes widened and she drank the remainder of her water. He looked puzzled for a couple of seconds and then his eyes widened and he, too, drained his cup. She quickly dug into her large purse and pulled out a puzzle magazine and a pencil.

“Do you like crosswords?” she asked.

“Sure.”

“Um, how about we work on one together?”

“Okay,” he said.

She flipped it open and, at random, picked one. “Here we go; this should work. Okay, let’s see. One across is, ‘Othello’s wife.’ Desdemona, right?”

Rob turned down the corners of his mouth and nodded. “Very good. I don’t know that I’d have come up with that.”

She smiled and entered the word into the puzzle. “Okay, now ten-across is ‘Captain Jack Sparrow.’ It’s four letters.” She looked up at Rob.

“Depp,” he said, “it’s Johnny Depp.”

“Ah,” she said and entered the name. “Now, 14-across is ‘Yugoslavian dictator’s surname’ and it’s four letters.”

“Wow, that’s going back a ways. It was Tito wasn’t it?”

“Well, that was his pseudonym. His real name was Broz. Let’s try the last letter down and see if it’s a Z or an O. The clue for 17-down is ‘Highest point’ and it’s six letters. Probably zenith, huh? So 14-across must be Broz.”

As they continued, it turned out that she needed little help. While a crossword puzzle is no acid-test, Rob was impressed at her breadth of knowledge.

The landing in Chicago was smooth and their layover was long enough that they had time for some lunch at an airport café. Mandy ordered a burger and fries and Rob hoped she was finally feeling more at ease around him. She made a puddle of ketchup on her plate and dipped her fries in it as they ate and talked. She bathed a large fry in ketchup and, as she brought it towards her mouth, it broke off and fell on her patterned, multi-color blouse just above her waist.

“Oh no!” she said grabbing for a napkin. “Just look at that mess!” It was quickly obvious that trying to wipe off the stain was fruitless. “I should have put stuff in my carry-on like you suggested—a whole change of clothes. I look a mess.”

“I wish there was some way I could help,” said Rob. “I have an idea that might work, though. I once got ink on a shirt while at work and a buddy told me how to minimize the stain. Go to the restroom and get two paper towels, one wet and one dry. Put the wet one on the inside under the stain and the dry one outside over it. As the water travels from the wet to the dry it should take most of the stain with it. Don’t know if it’ll work for ketchup, but it might be worth a try.”

Her eyes glistened with gratitude. “Okay, I’ll see if it works.” She hurried off to the restroom. When she returned, the lower part of her blouse was wet but there was only a barely detectable hint of a ketchup stain. “I think it might have worked,” she said enthusiastically. She sat back down to her plate, sighed deeply, and fixed Rob with an exasperated look as if to say, is this bad luck ever going to end?

He grinned and shook his head and suddenly they both burst out laughing. Finally he said, “Mandy, just do us both a favor. Don’t ever join the bomb disposal squad, okay?”

The second leg of their journey was uneventful and they arrived at baggage-claim early enough that they positioned themselves right near where the conveyor slid the bags onto the carousel.

As they watched the first bags arrive and people grabbing them off the carousel, Rob said, “Let me know when you see yours and I’ll get it for you.” A short time later his bag slid down and rotated to him. He took it off and stepped back from the carousel while he lifted its handle and perched his duffel bag on it.

“Ah, here’s mine,” said Mandy. “I can get it.” With that she lifted the navy blue suitcase off the carousel, raised the handle, and started to put her carry-on atop it.

“Excuse me, Miss,” said an urgent voice. “That’s my bag.”

She looked up to see the elderly gentleman whose hand she had thwacked before they had boarded their initial flight.

“What?” she said.

“My bag,” he said, pointing at the suitcase. “You have my bag.”

“Your bag?”

“Yes. See the strip of duct tape on the handle? I always do that so I can recognize it as mine.”

“Oh. Oh my, yes I see.”

“Mandy,” called Rob holding up a navy blue suitcase. “Here’s yours; it has your luggage tag.”

She turned to the man and said, “I’m so sorry, sir.” She took her carry-on off it and pushed the suitcase over to him. “Here, and again I apologize. That’s a really good idea about the tape. I think I better do that next time.”

“Yes,” he said, “only just don’t put it in the same place as mine.” He smiled.

“Good point. I’m sure you’ll be glad when you’ve seen the last of me.”

“Young lady, seeing you I don’t mind. Interacting with you, well, that’s a different story.” With that he gave a little bow, took his suitcase, and wheeled it away.

Mandy looked at Rob, rolled her eyes, and shook her head. He smiled. “It’s okay. You’ll learn. You just have to remember that a lot of luggage looks alike. So, now that we’ve got our bags let’s go get our rental car and get to the hotel.”

They did so and by quarter to six they were checked-in and headed to their rooms, both of which were on the third floor.

“How about we get some supper?” he said. “When I got convention duty a couple of years ago we found a great little steak place. That sound okay?”

“Sure,” she said a bit hesitantly.

“Meet in the lobby in, say, half an hour?”

“Is it fancy? I mean, someplace more than jeans and a ketchup-stained blouse?”

“Well, it’s not top of the line or anything but, y’know, white table cloths and crystal glasses and such.”

“I get it,” she said. “Better give me 45 minutes.”

“Fair enough. See you then.”

For his part, Rob switched from jeans to business casual and called to confirm that they could get reservations this close to their arrival time. He went to the lobby and sat checking emails on his phone till footsteps approached him and he heard a voice say, “Ready?”

He looked up and his jaw dropped. Mandy stood before him in a form-fitting, backless version of the proverbial Little Black Dress.

“Wow,” he gushed. “Mandy… just… wow!”

A blush of pink joined her dimples and she said, “All right, all right. I’ve been embarrassed enough for one day, no need in adding to it.”

“Embarrassed? No, no. No need for you to be embarrassed. You’re… absolutely stunning.”

She turned her eyes upward and blinked several times trying to suppress a dimpled grin. “So, are you going to take me to dinner or what?”

“Oh, yes ma’am, my pleasure,” said Rob, standing up and offering his arm. “Let’s go.”

At the restaurant, as they studied their menus, Rob said, “The steaks here are to die for. I’m going to go all-in and get the filet mignon.”

“How is the herb-crusted chicken here?”

“It’s good,” he said slowly. “Has a real tasty sauce with it. Not a steak person?”

“I’ve always found it sort of bland and chewy.”

“Let me guess. You order it well-done, right?”

“Actually,” she said, “I don’t think I’ve ever ordered one in a restaurant. My mom always insisted it be cooked till there was no pink whatsoever.”

“Ah, and probably pretty low-budget cuts, too, huh?” She nodded and he got a sly look.

When their orders came he held his hand up towards her and said, “Before either of us takes a bite, hand me your fork.” Although perplexed, she did as he asked. He took it and cut off a bite of his filet and held it out to her. “Okay, try a bite of steak the way it should be, medium-rare.” He had intended that she take her fork back but she ate the bite right off it as he held it out to her. Her eyes widened immediately and when she swallowed a couple of seconds later her reaction was exactly what he had expected.

“Oh my goodness! I didn’t even have to chew. It just sort of melted in my mouth. That is amazing!”

“Here,” he said, “tell you what. How about we go half-and-half? I’ll trade you half my steak for one of your chicken breasts.”

“Oh I couldn’t; your steak is way more expensive.”

He waved her off. “Cyber’s paying, so don’t even worry about that. I insist—unless you really don’t want to.”

She got a sly little grin. “Well, it was really yummy.” She looked around at the elegant surroundings. “You think it’s okay?”

“Hey,” he said cutting the thick steak in half, “we’re paying for the food. We can do whatever we want with it. Here, move your plate over this way a little. That’s it; there you go. Now give me one of those pieces of chicken. Hey, don’t be stingy with the sauce, now.”

She cut another bite off the steak and said, “Wow, I’d always gotten the impression that anything less than well-done would be all bloody and disgusting. I mean, this is reddish pink but it doesn’t look raw.” She put the bite in her mouth and closed her eyes in ecstasy. “Mmmm. This tastes fantastic.”

When they finished their meal the waiter offered dessert.

“Interested?” asked Rob. Mandy got an almost fearful look and shook her head. “You sure?” said Rob.

“Definitely not.”

“Okay,” he said to the waiter. “The lady says no.”

After the waiter left, Mandy said, “Saying no to desserts is the only way I can continue to fit into this dress.”

“Well, then by all means follow your advice. You look fabulous.” She smiled demurely but he suddenly got a look of concern. “I guess I should be careful. You being an HR major and all, I’m liable to get myself in hot water for sexual harassment saying stuff like that, huh?”

She grinned and pointed her finger at him. “That’s right, mister. As a soon-to-be Human Resources professional I can tell you I’ve got my eye on you, so watch it.” They both laughed. “Of course, maybe I shouldn’t have my eye on you. So far it’s caused me to be a walking disaster area.”

Rob’s grin diminished to a pensive smile as he covered her small hand with his huge mitt. “Actually, I like that you have your eye on me. I know I certainly like having mine on you.”

She bit her lower lip and gently pulled her hand away, then wagged her finger at him.
“Now, now,” she said teasingly, “no PDAs allowed.”

“PDAs? What’s that?”

“It’s an HR term. HR is full of acronyms. It means Public Displays of Affection. Not kosher in the workplace.”

He narrowed his eyes at her and then looked all around the restaurant. “Well, this isn’t exactly the workplace, right?”

She raised her eyebrows thoughtfully. “Mm, you have a point.”

At that moment the waiter arrived with the check. On the drive back to the hotel, Rob asked, “Any plans for tomorrow, Mandy? We have the whole day to kill.”

“Actually, there is an art exhibition nearby that I’d like to see. It has paintings from several Pre-Raphaelite artists. I’ve seen them in books and online but I’d love to see them in person. I don’t know if that’s your thing or not—some people find it pretty boring. If not, I can just take a taxi.”

“No, no, I’m fine with it. I’ll admit, though, that I don’t know much about art. Like, I’ve never even heard of Pre- whatever it is you just said. Maybe you could show me around and raise my level of culture a bit.”

Sunday afternoon found them at an art museum with Mandy providing the tour-guide type commentary as they strolled from painting to painting.

“The Pre-Raphaelites were a 19th century brotherhood of artists who didn’t like the direction art was taking. They wanted to portray elegant beauty in vibrant colors often focusing on beautiful women.”

“That makes sense to me,” said Rob. “I have long felt that the pinnacle of beauty in all of existence is the human female. Star-filled skies, alpine lakes, flaming sunsets… none of them can compare to a truly beautiful woman.” He gently turned Mandy toward him and looked directly into her eyes as he lowered his voice. “Present company included.”

Her eyes widened as she cleared her throat. “Um, thank you,” she said as once again she blushed. Her eyes darted around the room nervously until they locked on the gallery section off to her right. “Um, now over here they’ve, um, made a bit of a mistake.” She took his arm and guided him to the next section of the exhibit.

“Oh?”

“Yes. They’ve included some John William Godward works, but he was not truly a Pre-Raphaelite. Since he used Roman and Greek settings, he is more accurately considered a Victorian Neoclassicist.”

“I see,” said Rob. “While I can’t say I follow all of that, I can say I see why you like this style of art; it truly is beautiful.”

They toured every inch of the gallery while she kept up a running commentary, with him wearing a delighted grin. With aching legs they finally headed toward the car.

“Wow,” said Mandy, “look at the time. No wonder I’m so tired. I’m sorry, Rob. I probably talked your ear off.”

“I loved every minute of it. I must also say that I’m totally impressed by your knowledge of art and by your enthusiasm and by… well… pretty much everything about you.” She blushed and got into the car.

“So, where shall we go for dinner tonight?” he asked. “Do you like seafood?”

“Yes. I haven’t had a lot of it, though.”

“Crab? Lobster?”

“I’ve tasted crab. Haven’t tried lobster.”

“There’s a place a few miles from here that I hear is supposed to be pretty good. Want to give it a try?”

“Sure.”

At Rob’s suggestion she ordered a sampler plate and was having a wonderful time experiencing all the new flavors. That is, until she tried too hard to pry a chunk of meat out of a resistant crab leg and flipped it into the water glass of a middle-aged fellow sitting at the next table.

“Omigosh! I’m so sorry sir. I don’t know how that happened.”

He laughed good-naturedly. “Since it’s just my water glass, not a problem. Now if it’d been my wine glass I’d expect you to buy me another.”

“Oh, here, I haven’t used my water glass; I’ll gladly trade you.”

“No, it’s fine.” He grinned and looked at Rob, “I’ll bet she just wants her piece of crabmeat back.”

“Too bad I didn’t get a video of it,” said Rob. “We could win a bundle on that funniest video TV show. And we’d split it with you, of course.” The two had a good laugh but Mandy looked mortified. Seeing that, Rob refocused on her and gave her a sympathetic smile.

She hid her face with her hands. “I cannot believe I did that,” she said. “Do you think anyone would notice if I just crawled underneath the table and stayed there till closing time?”

He laughed gently and once again took her hand. “It’s okay. He’s being a good sport about it.”

She shot a furtive glance at the next table. “But that glass is just sitting there like a neon sign saying, ‘Look what the moron at the next table did.’”

Rob caught a waiter’s attention and said quietly to him, “Would you please very discreetly bring a fresh glass of ice water to the gentleman at the next table there and remove the one with the crabmeat floating in it?” Surprisingly the waiter neither showed confusion nor sought an explanation, but in less than half a minute had resolved the situation.

“Thanks, Rob,” said Mandy. She closed her eyes and shook her head with a look of incredulity mixed with resignation.

Barely suppressing a grin, Rob said, “You know, that was actually quite a shot. I bet you couldn’t get it to land directly in his water glass again in a thousand tries.”

They both laughed and she said, “Don’t be too sure. I’ve worked night and day to perfect the art of crabmeat flipping, you know.”

“Yet another amazing talent—and who would have guessed? How have you kept it secret all this time?

“Well,” she said, “a person can’t be too careful with something like that. Once the press gets ahold of it your life is never the same—talent scouts hounding you, Las Vegas bookings, offers to appear on The Tonight Show; I just don’t think I’m ready for that kind of fame.”

He laughed heartily and squeezed her hand. “Have I told you how much I love being with you?”

She blinked rapidly several times. “Even though I’m a walking disaster?”

He laughed lightly and looked intently into her eyes. “You’re not a disaster; you’re a delight.” She returned his gaze with a dreamy smile for a long moment until it was interrupted by the waiter refilling their glasses.

They returned to the hotel and walked hand-in-hand down the third floor corridor until they came to her door.

“Thanks, Rob, for putting up with me dragging you around through an art museum. And I’m sorry I’m such an embarrassment to you all the time.”

He took hold of her shoulders and said sternly but quietly, “You are never an embarrassment to me, Mandy Wheeler. The truth is I can’t remember when I’ve had a more enjoyable day.” He looked up and down the empty corridor. “Mandy,” he said as he put his big arms around her petite waist. She raised her eyebrows expectantly. “If I kiss you would it be considered a PDA if there’s no one around to see it?”

She flashed a dimpled smile. “Well, I’d have to check the HR manual to be sure, but I’m willing to risk it.”

With that he kissed her soft, luscious lips and when they came up for air she kept her wrists locked behind his neck and gave him an impish grin.

“Still sorry it wasn’t Amanda Sosna that came on this trip?” she said.

“Amanda who? The only Amanda I care anything about is the beautiful woman I’m holding in my arms this very moment. She has completely captured my heart.”

She smiled warmly and said, “And you have captured mine, Robert Galloway.”

They kissed again until they heard the ding of the elevator arriving at the third floor and they quickly separated.

“Guess we better say good night,” said Rob.

A man got off the elevator and headed the other way down the corridor.

“Rob, we’re going to have a tough time when we get back to work. Company policy frowns on two people under the same supervisor being in a romantic relationship. Plus, I mean, we joke around about it, but I can tell it’s going to be really difficult to avoid PDAs when we get back. At least, I know it will be for me.”

He sighed. “Yeah, I know. Me too. Look, I’m fairly certain that these feelings I have for you are no flash in the pan. So if it comes to that, I’ll find something elsewhere. I know the COO of DevAppCo, Julie Nissen. I’m pretty sure she’d take me on; might even get a raise out of it.”

“Oh Rob no. I couldn’t let you give up your job for me.”

“Listen,” he said gently caressing her soft blonde hair, “let’s not worry about that yet. We’ll deal with it when it happens, okay? Right now you get some sleep and don’t fret. It’ll all work out.” He kissed her again.

“Night, Rob. See you at breakfast at six-thirty, okay?”

“Okay. Good night, Mandy. Sweet dreams.”

They worked together the next morning to get the Cyber Paradigm booth set up in time for the arrival of the conference attendees. They put up a tri-fold poster-board backdrop, a repeating video presentation, a stack of business cards, informational brochures, and a bowl of candy. Their booth was at one end against the wall of another, unused, conference room. Next to their booth was one for the much smaller competitor, DevAppCo, which was staffed by none other than Julie Nissen herself.

Rob attended the sessions, but before and after each he networked with clients and prospects while Mandy took care of the booth. He was impressed that she, being only a clerical worker, was so adept at describing their company’s products and services and at collecting contact information for prospective clients. She had really done her homework. Even more surprising for someone who had spent so much time in seclusion, she was clearly a people-person. Everyone seemed to take an instant liking to her. She had even managed to strike up a very positive acquaintanceship with Ms. Nissen.

****************************

During the afternoon keynote session on Wednesday there were a small number of attendees still milling around the exhibition area including a squat, bald man in his fifties whom Mandy did not recall having seen before. He was hovering around the fringes of her booth but kept looking around and behind her as if hoping there was someone else to talk to. Finally he ventured close enough and inadvertently made eye contact with her.

“Is there something I can help you with, sir?”

The man curled his lip like he had a bad case of heartburn. “Isn’t there a guy here with you?”

“Rob Galloway? Yes, he’s in the keynote session at the moment. Is there something I can help you with? A question I can answer?”

The look on the man’s face said he doubted that very much. “How long will he be in there?”

“Mm, I’m afraid the session isn’t due to end for another 40 minutes. But if there’s anything I can—”

“I’m Jack Schellenberger from Norquist Industries. We’re a client of yours.” He looked around the room as if wanting to find an escape from a pointless conversation.

“Oh, yes, pleased to meet you Mr. Schellenberger; Norquist is one of our best clients.” Mandy held out her hand an uncomfortably long time before he reluctantly gave it a quick, limp single shake. Out the corner of her eye she could see Julie Nissen shaking her head at Schellenberger’s behavior. Undaunted, Mandy kept trying. “Now, what is the nature of your concern, Mr. Schellenberger. Maybe if you discuss it with me first it can speed things up when Mr. Galloway gets here.”

With a deep, tired sigh, Schellenberger finally said, “Training. We just upgraded your software and I’m wondering if Cyber can provide us with training.”

“Yes,” said Mandy, “you just moved up to version 4.1. Actually, I can help you with that. Cyber does not do any training directly, but we are partnered with OmniCurricula to provide that very training, and at an exceptionally good price. They already have a training package for this version developed and ready to go, but they can also customize it very economically to meet your specific needs.” She grabbed a business card and wrote on the back. “Now, here is the toll-free number for them and just ask for this person, Ariana Taveras, and she can get something put together for you in no time. She’s very good.”

She held out the card but he kept his hands in his pockets and continued to look behind her.

“When did you say the guy would be here?”

There was the slightest edge to Mandy’s voice when she replied, “A little over half an hour. But I can assure you, Mr. Schellenberger, that he will tell you exactly the same thing. If you would prefer, I can call Ariana and get the ball rolling for you and have her contact you.”

Schellenberger glared at her as if she had just offered to be his guide to the top of Mt. Everest. He snatched the card out of her fingers, glanced at it and shoved it in his pocket. “No, never mind,” he said gruffly. “I’ll make the call myself.”

With that he stormed away looking more in need of an antacid than ever. As he did,
Mandy blew out her cheeks and Julie walked over to her.

“What a jerk!” said Julie. “He’s lucky he wasn’t talking to me; I’d have flattened the little twerp, client or no client.”

*****************************

The session wrapped up and Rob exited the large conference room out to the exhibition area with the other attendees. He immediately heard a commotion from over near their booth where a crowd had gathered much like kids in a schoolyard when a fight breaks out. He pushed his way through to find a short, bald, red-faced man screaming at Mandy.

“Don’t you realize what damage this could do to my reputation, to my good name? And all because of your empty-headed ineptitude! I knew better than to let someone like you get involved in any of this.”

“What’s going on here?” asked Rob.

Mandy was red in the face and starting to cry. “Rob—”

“Finally!” Schellenberger roared. “Someone with half a brain. This—this airheaded blonde bimbo was supposed to be giving me the number of a training outfit. Instead it was the number to one of those sex-for-hire places. Do you know what having a call like that on my business phone could do to me? I could lose my job. I demand that you provide me a letter of apology immediately and that you fire this— this— dimpled ditz right now, on the spot. And if you refuse, I can assure you that Norquist will take its business elsewhere.”

“Rob,” said Mandy, her voice quavering and her face awash in tears, “I know I gave him the right number; I’m sure of it.” She said it with conviction, but there was the slightest tinge of doubt in her eyes. “He asked about training and—”

Rob held up his palm to quiet her. He looked at them both and said calmly, “I will see that this gets resolved quickly and to everyone’s satisfaction. Let’s step over here where we can talk Mr.—?”

“Schellenberger, Jack Schellenberger.”

“Mr. Schellenberger,” repeated Rob, “I’m Rob Galloway.” As the two walked a short distance away, Julie came over to Mandy and put her arm around her.

Schellenberger, though more quietly, was still agitating. “Galloway, don’t try to sweet talk me out of it, I am adamant that you dismiss that boneheaded incompetent here and now.”

“I understand your ire, Mr. Schellenberger but, for one thing, I do not have firing authority over her. However, if I can gather a few facts I’m sure the proper steps will be taken. Now, as you know, these things require solid documentation. Did you make the call from your cell phone?”

“Yes.”

“Is the number on your recent call list? I’d like to get a picture of it on my phone for documentation purposes.”

Schellenberger twiddled with his phone for a few seconds and handed it to Rob. “There it is, right at the top.”

“Yes, I see,” said Rob taking a photo of the list with his phone. “Now, did Ms. Wheeler give you the number verbally or did she write it down?”

“She wrote it on this little card,” he said fumbling through three pockets before producing it and handing it to Rob.

“Here,” said Rob, “Let me put both the card and the number on the phone right together and…there, I’ve got a picture of both in one shot.” He cleared his throat and held both up where Schellenberger could see them. “Mr. Schellenberger, can you see this? Notice that the last number on the card is a three but you entered a nine. Also, her card shows the area code as 888 but you entered 800. So, the fault was not Ms. Wheeler’s. It was yours.”

Schellenberger looked a bit sheepish and snorted. “Must have keyed it in a little too quickly. Humph, can’t remember having done something like that before. Now, Mr. Galloway, what we’re needing is a training program for—”

“Wait. Wait,” said Rob holding up his hand. “Before we discuss your training situation, there is something that needs to be handled first.”

“Huh?”

“Mr. Schellenberger, you have exactly two options at this moment, and there is no third. Option one is that you can immediately go over to Ms. Wheeler and, in the same loud volume that you were railing at her when I walked up, apologize humbly and sincerely for your idiotic mistake and unwarranted accusations, and ask her forgiveness…” Rob then gripped the upper sleeve of Schellenberger’s jacket very tightly. “Or option two is that you can accompany me around the corner into that empty room there where I will put my fist through your face.”

Schellenberger looked at Rob’s iron grip on his sleeve and gasped. “Are you threatening me?”

“Oh yes, you better believe it.”

“Wh-why you can’t do that. I’m your client. I’ll have your job for this.”

Rob gave a quick laugh. “You work for Todd Harvey. Todd and I have played golf twice a month for the past five years. And since I’ve never heard of you before I’m guessing you’ve worked for Norquist, what, two weeks? Once I tell Todd the story, and don’t forget I have the pictures to prove what really happened, I’m pretty confident my job will be safe. Wouldn’t bet too much on yours though.

“Well, anyway,” continued Rob, “it seems clear you’re not choosing option one so let’s get going.”

“Wait! Th-this is assault and battery, I’ll have you arrested.”

Rob started pulling him toward the next room. “That’s okay. It’d be worth spending a few nights in jail just to see a sexist windbag like you crawling around the floor in here trying to find his front teeth.”

“All right, all right,” said Schellenberger in a quavering voice. “I’ll apologize. After all, the fault was mostly mine and, well, I guess I was rather hard on her.”

“Good, good. Now remember, very loud and very, very sincere. And don’t forget to ask for her forgiveness.” Rob relaxed his grip on Schellenberger’s sleeve but kept his hand on his shoulder to guide him back to Mandy’s booth. Rob stood beside him as Schellenberger cleared his throat to speak.

He looked at Rob and said, “Um, I’d like to apologize—”

“Not to me,” said Rob, “to Ms. Wheeler. And nice and loud.”

Schellenberger nodded. “Yes, Ms.—um—Wheeler, I’d like to offer my sincerest apologies for my rather unprofessional behavior earlier. I discovered afterward that the fault was mine; I had tried to key in the number from memory instead of looking at the card you gave me and misdialed. Of course, when you said it was an 800 number I took you literally—”

“That’s not what she said,” corrected Julie. “I stood right here and heard the whole thing. She said it was a toll-free number, not an 800 number.”

“Ah, yes, well, sometimes my brain runs ahead of me, I guess. In any case, it was wrong of me to become upset with you, Ms. Wheeler.”

He looked at Rob whose eyebrows told him to continue.

“I am sorry for the inappropriate name-calling on my part. You did nothing wrong; the fault was totally my own. I… would… like to ask your forgiveness.”

Mandy, who had stood stoically through the entire speech, lifted her chin a bit. “I will forgive you, Mr. Schellenberger, on one condition. That you come to terms with the fact that a woman—even a young, dimpled, blonde woman—can be just as capable and competent as a man in the business world. And I say this for your own good. Because, unless and until you realize this, you are destined to spend a lot of time in the unemployment office. After all, Mr. Schellenberger, look around; us women are everywhere. Good day, Mr. Schellenberger.”

Schellenberger spun on his heel and power-walked toward the exit while the ring of bystanders that had gathered burst into applause for Mandy. Rob put his arm around her and gave her a squeeze.

As the crowd dispersed he said, “Wow, you were terrific, Mandy. Really put that jerk in his place.”

“Me? You’re the one that’s terrific. How on earth did you get that baboon to apologize?”

“Uh, it’s a guy thing. You wouldn’t understand—being a woman and all.” They both laughed and she slapped his arm.

Suddenly her phone went off. She looked at it, widened her eyes, and said, “Oh, excuse me a minute Rob, I’ve got to take this,” and she stepped away toward the corner of the room.

Julie sauntered over to Rob. “That’s quite a girlfriend you’ve got there Rob.”

“Girlfriend?” he said innocently.

“Oh come on, the air practically crackles with electricity the minute the two of you get within 50 feet of each other. I’ll tell you what, though, she’s something else. You should have seen her holding to that good-customer-service demeanor even when that obnoxious boor was treating her like a four-year-old. I’ve got to run but you can tell her for me that if she ever decides to step up from being an administrative assistant, I’d take her on as a rep in a hot second.”

“I’ll tell her.”

A moment later Mandy bounded over to Rob. “Guess what! You are now looking at the new HR assistant at TechWorld Dynamics.”

“Mandy, that’s terrific. When do you start?”

“I’ll turn in my letter of resignation Friday and I start two weeks from Monday. You know what else that means, right?”

“What?”

“As soon as I start my new job, we won’t have to worry about PDAs anymore.”

“Now that’s really good news.”

“So,” she said, “Where should we go for dinner?”

“How about we try to find some intimate little out-of-the-way place with subdued
lighting where we can engage in some NSPDAs?”

“NSPDAs?”

“Not-So-Public Displays of Affection.”

“Ah, very clever acronym,” she said with a broad dimpled smile. “I believe you may have a future in the field of Human Resources.”

“See, you’re not the only one with hidden talents,” he said while bowing and making a sweeping gesture. But as he did so he knocked over the trifold display board and, in trying to catch it, managed to knock the bowl of candy onto the floor.

Hand on hip, Mandy shook her head and smirked at him. “Tsk, tsk, tsk. Honestly, I can’t take you anywhere, Rob Galloway. You are a disaster waiting to happen.”

A Short Circuit

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Sharks Assessment

I have adopted MIZZOU as my rooting interest in collegiate sports, but have clung to my Bay Area roots for the pro teams I support. While two of them have fallen on hard times of late, at least the 49ers and Giants have won championships in the past. The San Jose Sharks, however, are still hoping for their first Stanley Cup. I have rooted for them since the first game I attended back in their Cow Palace years (’91-’93), so that’s around 27 years of hoping. They are now in the NHL’s equivalent of the Final Four, so I’d like to make some observations. Not team observations particularly, but about the players that make up their current roster, line-by-line. For the few who follow hockey, and the even fewer who follow the Sharks, I’d like to hear your reactions.

It could be debated which of their top two forward lines is their “number one” line, but I’ll start with the Nyquist-Couture-Meier line.

Gustav Nyquist: For quite some time after his midseason acquisition, I wondered if he’d ever show why they got him. But late in the season he rounded into form and has played quite well in the playoffs. He’s one of those odd players who does a lot of things right, but rarely scores goals (at least for the Sharks). Lately he has proven valuable as an assist guy for his line-mates, has decent speed, defends pretty well, and is a good puck handler and passer. I’d give him a A- overall.

Timo Meier: He has been a bit streaky this season, but has really come on lately in the playoffs. He has size and can throw his weight around effectively. He’s fast for his size, strong on the puck, makes good passes, is an excellent scorer, and defends well. I’d give him and A.

Logan Couture: Let me make it simple; he is excellent in every facet of the game skill-wise, and is extremely smart. Arguably the Sharks best player. He gets an A+.

Next is the “other” top line of Kane-Hertl-Pavelski.

Evander Kane: Very simply, he is Patrick Marleau with attitude. Like Marleau, he is fast and a dynamite shooter. Also like Marleau, the odds of him passing the puck to a teammate or an opponent are about 50-50 on any play (and that might be too generous). Plus, for as strong as he is, he coughs up the puck much too easily. However, unlike Marleau, he does provide some grit. If there’s a fight on the ice, or a penalty against the Sharks, chances are pretty good Kane is involved. He also does a decent job on the penalty kill. Still, given his proclivity for turnovers, I rate him a B-.

Tomas Hertl: Nearly as skilled, smart, and valuable as Couture, but bigger and slower. It is flukey that during these playoffs he has been a scoring machine at home and shockingly quiet on the road. Nevertheless, he is one of the top players on the team. He gets an A.

Joe Pavelski: Not, perhaps, elite in any single category (except puck-tipping skills), he is nevertheless the heart and soul of the team. They’ve shown they can win without him, but boy are they more fearsome with him. He possesses an outstanding all-around skillset, is extremely smart; he is nearly always in the right place at the right time, and not by accident. I also give him an A+.

The third line is the Sorensen-Thornton-Lebanc line.

Marcus Sorensen: Decent speed, shooting, passing, puck-handling, and feistiness, he’s sort of the ideal third-line guy. He sometimes finds himself out of position on defense, something that hopefully will improve with experience. I give him a solid B.

Joe Thornton: One has to give Jumbo Joe all kinds of props for rehabbing from multiple torn-up knees and still being out there every game at age 39. Still, the honest truth is that he has slowed down (both skates and hands) considerably and, worse yet, his elite playmaking skills have dropped off noticeably. I am shocked at how often he attempts cross-ice passes that are easily picked-off, too often leading to odd-man rushes the other way (as his tied-for-team-worst playoff plus-minus of -5 attests). Also, when he’s got his engine running full-tilt, he can still be a force on the ice, but there are times when the engine is clearly stuck in a low gear. He does sometimes show flashes of that old magic, and even puts the puck in the net now and again. No doubt most teams would salivate at the chance to have him on their third line, but I’m thinking if it doesn’t happen this year, he may never get that Stanley Cup that has eluded him for more than two decades. Of course, there is the intangible of behind the scenes leadership illustrated by his “get three for Pavs” demand in game 7 vs. Las Vegas, that cannot be discounted. I give him a B-.

Kevin Lebanc: I have had to completely revamp my opinion of Lebanc recently. Earlier in the year I could not figure out why he was anything more than a fourth-line player nor why on earth DeBoer had him quarterbacking the power play. But as the season progressed, and especially in the playoffs, Lebanc has more than shown his worth. He handles the power play admirably, rarely makes a bad decision, a bad pass, or loses the puck, and, man alive, can he shoot! I recently read a hockey scribe who claimed that the best teams are those with the best third lines. Lebanc ups the value of this third line considerably. I give him an A-.

The fourth line is finally configured the way it should be, with Donskoi-Goodrow-M. Karlsson.

Joonas Donskoi: His assets are speed, niftiness, and energy, with his motor revved up to maximum rpms at almost all times. However, I’m not sure what the opposite of “strong on his skates” is, but whatever it is, that’s Donskoi. Honestly, I think he spends as much time on his back, knees, rear, and elbows as he does on his skates. He is easily pinned to the boards or knocked off the puck (and onto his posterior) and most defensemen are aware of this. Hence, when he has open ice he can be quite dangerous, but open ice can be a rare commodity in the NHL. Still, he is much more of a scoring threat than Michael Haley, so he is right where he belongs. I rate him as a C+.

Barclay Goodrow: He has good size and a decent set of skills including acquitting himself well on the penalty kill. A good all-around workmanlike player, I rate him a solid B.

Melker Karlsson: Excellent and fearless on the penalty kill, he also possesses a good set of offensive skills, but for whatever reason, has gone cold as far as scoring. Still, he and his line-mates make up a much more formidable fourth line than most teams have. He and Goodrow in particular, are able to accomplish the main purpose of a fourth line: keep the puck in the opponent’s zone throughout their shift. I rate him a B+.

As for defensemen, the top defensive pairing is Burns-Vlasic.

Brent Burns: Offensively, he is pretty much second to none. Given his blistering shot, the ability to hit a forward’s stick for a tip-in, thread the needle with a pass, stick-handle well, and hold the zone it’s not without reason that he is a perennial Norris trophy candidate. Defensively, he’s a bit of an enigma. He can be amazing with his strength and his long stick making defensive plays that leave one awestruck. Then there are those times when he makes a completely boneheaded play and/or commits a horrible turnover that often leads to an odd-man rush the other way and, like as not, an opponent’s goal. Also, for every stretch pass out of the defensive zone that sends a teammate on a rush, there are a half-dozen that miss and end-up with an icing call. In fact, the vast majority of his mistakes result from him trying to do too much; trying for the highlight-reel play rather than the safer, saner play. To his credit, he has done much more right than wrong, even defensively, in the playoffs (he’s +4) and, failings notwithstanding, he’s a tremendous asset to the team. He gets an A.

Marc-Edouard Vlasic: Speaking of enigmas, throughout most of this season, he has not been the characteristic shut-down defenseman Sharks fans have come to expect. But in the playoffs he has returned to form. The difference in the games the Sharks have played with him vs. without him (i.e. the two he missed against Vegas that looked like an arcade game) has been incredible. Apparently his presence was a major factor in mostly neutralizing the lightning-fast, highly skilled Nathan McKinnon. He is back to making the smart play and extinguishing the fire when things get hot in the Sharks defensive zone. Offensively, he provides support, but most of his shots miss the net or go directly into the goalie’s glove. Still, he provides the ideal complement to the offensive-minded Burns. He also gets an A.

The E. Karlsson-Dillon pairing.

Erik Karlsson: Like Nyquist, I was somewhat impatient for him to show himself worthy of the preseason acquisition and, just as he began to do so, he was injured. Now, however, he is pretty much back to full health and is playing excellently. Smart, skilled, solid defensively, fast, and top-notch at getting the puck out of the defensive zone, he is a tremendous asset. Like Nyquist, though, he has plenty of assist points but can’t seem to find the back of the net. I give him an A.

Brendan Dillon: Unlike most of his teammates, his game has regressed during the playoffs. For most of the season he seemed to be just a notch below Vlasic defensively and a notch above offensively, with a bit of attitude sprinkled in, all of which meant he was an above average defenseman. In the playoffs, though, he has not been up to par, as his -5 plus-minus would suggest. There are certain players that, when they have the puck you just know they’re going to do the right thing with it (Vlasic and E. Karlsson, to name two). Dillon used to be one of those but, so far in the playoffs, my stomach tightens whenever he handles the puck. Maybe as he gets more time playing with a now-healthy Karlsson, things will improve. For now, though, I give him a B-.

The Braun-Ryan pairing.

Justin Braun: Back in the day, when he was usually paired with Vlasic, he appeared to be pretty similar to his partner in defensive capabilities. However, perhaps playing with Vlasic makes anyone’s defense look better. All I know is that the stomach tightening referenced earlier happens much more frequently with Braun on the puck than it used to. One of the more frustrating things is that, while he is pretty decent at battling for pucks along the boards, he too often wins the battle only to immediately throw it to an opponent, or fail to get it out of the zone. Offensively, he can usually get the puck on net from the blue line, but his shot is not one that strikes any fear in the hearts of opposing goalies. I give him a B-.

Joakim Ryan: The season-ending injury to up-and-coming defenseman Radim Simek pressed Ryan into duty, perhaps before he was totally NHL-ready. He has acquitted himself decently (he’s +1) but, averaging barely 8 minutes of ice time per game, there isn’t a lot to go on. He does not seem lost out there, but neither does he inspire a lot of confidence. I’d say he’s doing about as well as could be reasonably expected and rate him a C+.

So, there you have it. I welcome your thoughts, and if you’d like to check any playoff stats, you can do so by clicking the image below.

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Love and Risk

Below is an essay written by my son Scott. Although it might sound like I’m just being a proud dad, I really think this is incredibly insightful and written from a unique perspective. Enjoy.

Real love is stupid. It’s illogical. It’s a bad investment. To love someone – really love them, like where you are putting their needs ahead of your own; self-sacrificial, unconditional love – seems like a terrible idea on the surface. Why? There’s just too much risk. If you love someone, you are intentionally exposing your heart to them, in full view of the fact that they now have the power to break it. Risk is an inherent part of love. So why would anyone do it?

The answer is simply that the reward – being loved back – is greater than the risk.

If you have a relationship where neither of you risk anything, how close can it really be? Conversely, the greatest intimacy comes from the abundance of vulnerability, because we are forced to be honest in our vulnerability. We let down our guards, take down our walls, open our arms, and bare our hearts, screaming through gritted teeth, “THIS IS WHO I AM!”

The possibility to be known is never more real!

But at the same time the possibility of being rejected is never more real. Now, all of our carefully crafted defenses are laying around our feet; our weakest spot is exposed, and the other person is allowed time to prepare whatever attack they might want to deploy. We risk so much when we love, when we become vulnerable.

And the worst part is that the person on the other side, the one we are offering to love, will sometimes choose to hurt us. Sometimes they won’t; sometimes they will respond in kind and let down their own guard, and it’s in those sacred moments that something from earth connects with heaven. Or perhaps more accurately, it is when the bit of heaven in us all is most clearly seen. It is the reward we are all seeking, the greatest joy to be found in this life. But that moment of exposure is the antechamber with two doors – one leading to heaven and the other to hell. To be accepted and for love to be returned is the truest happiness, but to offer love and be shown contempt instead is the truest sorrow and heartbreak, that which we all have learned to fear above all other feelings.

These truths are well-known by the poets, the musicians; the feeling of a broken heart has inspired countless songs and works of art. It is a feeling that is frustratingly common, shared amongst the human species.

Yet the one who knows heartbreak the best is One who isn’t human.

Think about this: God created humanity, and had the power and the authority to make them however He wanted. He could have made us with two heads, or made us centaurs, or mer-people, or slime monsters. It was all up to Him. But more to the point, He could have made us unable to choose. He didn’t have to give us free will, to choose to love Him or reject Him.

But He did.

Why would he have done that? That seems like an awfully dumb idea in retrospect. If it were me, it would have been awfully tempting to just prevent the pain.

But remember that real love carries risk inherently. And the most defining characteristic of the God of the Bible is love – you could also say that the most defining example of love is the God of the Bible. And He knew, from the very moment that the idea of humanity was formed in His infinite mind (just roll with me, don’t worry about the metaphysics of that statement), that He was going to love them – and that they were going to break His heart.

We have already discussed that one of the riskiest things a person can do is to choose to love another person, because there is every reason to believe that they will break your heart and few things are more painful than that. But imagine having a choice in the matter – not just the choice of whether to be vulnerable to someone, but actually being able to control their response and avoid having them reject you. This was an available option to God! But incredibly, unfathomably, He chose to take the risk of allowing us to choose; He gave us freedom, all the while, in His infinite knowledge, knowing without doubt that we would to a person fail to reciprocate this love, and every single one of us would break His heart.

Why? What could have motivated Him to choose this way?

Isn’t it obvious? It’s because He loved us that He let us choose to reject Him.

If I don’t love someone, I won’t make myself vulnerable. I won’t give them the power to break my heart. I’ll keep my guard up, fortify my defenses, and make sure that I protect myself from being rejected by just not letting them in. Love, it has been said, is a two-way street; the idea of unrequited love is actually just a representation of the rejection we’ve already discussed (I love someone, make myself vulnerable, and by indifference or ignorance they reject me and my heart is broken).

Look around you. There are so many people whose hearts have been broken and have never found a way to heal that wound. They keep searching for the healing; this is another concept that the poets and musicians have known for ages, although many don’t know what the answer is. They (it should probably be “we” since this is basically common to humanity) look for the healing in money, or power, or sex, or popularity, or approval. What we really need is to find someone that will never reject us, that will always choose to love us – that is what will heal our broken hearts.

God’s offer of love to mankind was baffling; He offered to give unlimited, perfect satisfaction of our soul’s longing for acceptance, fully knowing that His love would not always (or even often) be returned, and that His heart would be the one being broken. But how could He not offer this? It is His very nature to love. It is only through His greatness, the infinite nature of His being, that He could withstand so much heartbreak.

But there is still a greater heartbreak; God had a plan to bring us home, and it would cost Him everything.

By breaking His heart, by turning away, the relationship was cracked. We were offered what our souls longed for, and for one reason or another we decided to pass on it, content to search around for a pale imitation. We, temporal beings as we are, accepted the short-term high, the fleeting pleasure, over the steady, faithful satisfaction of God’s perfect love, and His heart was broken. It was not without consequence, either.

It isn’t because God is unfair or unfeeling that the relationship was damaged, or that He is petty and holds a grudge against us for hurting Him. The problem is that He simply can’t coexist with sin – everything that comes near to Him has to be cleansed, free from stains, or else it is consumed by the glory of His perfect holiness. Holiness simply means that it has a wholly different nature, one without taint or stain. This requirement is evident in the Law, which showed above all that God is holy and must be treated as such.

So, since we have all at one point or another been guilty of breaking the heart of God, we found ourselves separated from that closeness, that communion that we were designed for. God’s heart was broken, our lives were damaged. But as I said, God had a plan.

In order for us to be cleansed of our sin, a price had to be paid – and it was no small price. God is so different, so holy, that anything that didn’t reach the standard had to die. Or at least something had to die, either us or something in our place. The thing that died in our place had to be spotless, without blemish, because it wouldn’t do for us to give something we didn’t want in the first place. But an animal that we owned was not sufficient to truly deal with the problem of our sin, and for ourselves to give our own lives didn’t work either because, well, then we’d be dead and that ruins the whole thing. So what was God’s amazingly brilliant plan to deal with this conundrum?

He decided to send His Son, a part of Himself, to die on our behalf.

And not just to die on our behalf but to live first – even to be born into our world and grow up in poverty, to be potty-trained and go through puberty and deal with parents and siblings and friends and all the other things we all deal with on a daily basis. Jesus spent 33 years or so among us, living a life that was free from wrongdoing and as perfect of an example of God’s love as could ever be. He even demonstrated the risk inherent in love by making Himself vulnerable to heartbreak and pain – nowhere more evident than on the cross.

As if it wasn’t enough for Jesus to be killed as a sacrifice, it ended up being a horrible death, being tortured and beaten and rejected. And it was all on completely bogus charges that the government sentenced him to this awful fate and carried it out the same night. Jesus, who was entirely innocent, hung on a Roman cross, suspended by nails piercing His hands and feet, in our place.

And this, of all things, was how God saved the world.

He opened His heart to us and we rejected Him. He went a step further and brought His heart down to us so that we could get a closer look, understand it better, and we not only turned it away but beat and scourged and nailed it to a cross, calling for the blood to rest on us and our children.

And this was the plan.

How could this have been the plan? How is this a plan at all? He is God, He knows everything! He had to have seen this coming! How could this have possibly been the best that He could come up with?

This is the genius of the story of Jesus – it’s pure foolishness to a human mind. There is no way that people would have come up with such a tale. God didn’t just have it in mind to solve the problem of sin, to address the price that needed to be paid for our wrongdoing and allow us access to His glorious presence – He had a plan to finally defeat the great enemy Death.

This is why the plan didn’t end on the cross – there was also a tomb; one that would wind up gloriously, impossibly, marvelously empty on the third day!

There is a correlation of sorts between risk and hope – they are almost like opposites. Risk is what makes you hold back, not try, because something bad might happen, and hope is what makes you press on and believe because something impossibly good might happen. It has become clear through this discussion that there is a great deal of risk involved with any act of love, but keep in mind when deciding whether to love or not that there is such a beautiful hope wrapped up inside as well. Best of all, the risk does not cancel out the hope!

With that in mind, I posit that we are at our best when we push past the risk and embrace the hope that love holds. All of the best examples of humanity occurred when a person chose hope over risk, vulnerability over defensiveness, love over fear.

Choose hope. Choose vulnerability. Choose love. This is how the world changes.

Scott Hamilton
Psalm 37:3

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Viewer’s Guide to Hallmark Movies

I realize that in writing this I am admitting to participating in one of the least manly exercises of the human species: watching Hallmark romance movies. Yes, instead of movies with car chases and explosions like real men watch, I have sat through a number of Hallmark movies. However, for those with enough common sense not to have done so but who might fall prey to watching one at some point, I offer this Guide to assist your expectations. Indeed, armed with the information below, you probably don’t even need to watch the movie. Anyway, here is a list of truisms that can be applied to ALL Hallmark romances:
1. If, at the beginning of the movie, you are the leading lady’s boyfriend or, heaven forbid, her fiancé, you are doomed. There is zero chance that you and she will end up together. Absolute confirmation of this is established when you kiss her, because you do so on her cheek, not on her lips. There is also a 90% probability that you will prove to be a self-centered jerk before the first commercial.
2. Big cities are evil; rural small towns are good. Big city people (including the leading lady at the beginning of the film) lead harried, miserable, hollow, stress-filled, shallow lives where their main concern is money. Rural small town people lead relaxed, meaningful, contented, joyful lives that focus on The Things That Really Matter.
3. Similar to the above, big city careers are evil; rural small town jobs are good—especially those where one works with one’s hands. Evil “city” occupations include: movie actor, up-and-coming corporate executive, anything related to advertising or public relations, real estate/land development, assistant hospital administrator, and worst of all, lawyer. Honorable rural small town occupations include, for the leading lady: owning/managing a bakery, restaurant, or dress shop; running a family farm/ranch/vineyard; country doctor; or, best of all, small town veterinarian. For the leading man they include: handyman, house construction, some form of arts and crafts; running a family farm/ranch/vineyard; country doctor; or, best of all, small town veterinarian.
4. The next-older generation were, apparently, terrible drivers. Invariably one of the leading characters’ parents died “some years ago” in a car accident.
5. If either lead character is a single parent, the child/children will become deeply attached to the other lead character within a week of first meeting him/her—long before love blossoms between the adults. The same holds true for a pet if there is one.
6. All rural small towns have an annual Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony in the town square (they all have a town square) that the entire town not only attends but “eagerly anticipates all year.” If it happens to not be Christmastime, then they have an annual Harvest Festival.
7. In every Christmas movie there is a scene with the lead characters together in a Christmas tree lot. No one EVER has an artificial tree.
8. In every Christmas movie there is a scene at an ice skating rink in which one of the lead characters is a skilled skater and the other is an inept rookie. If it is not a Christmas movie, substitute dancing for skating.
9. Regardless of how lucrative the “big city” character’s dream job is, he/she will readily abandon it (since it was evil anyway) and downgrade to live a subsistence-level life in the rural small town with his/her new-found love.
10. The one exception to the above is if the leading lady is vacationing in the tiny European kingdom of Contrivia only to discover that the seemingly ordinary guy she has fallen for is actually the crown prince. In that case, marrying him upgrades her to a princess.

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The Non-crisis

In trying to lend justification to the President’s delusional assertion that there were millions of votes cast illegally during the most recent election — and therefore that election reform is needed — his defenders cite the presence on voter rolls of registrants who are dead or are registered in more than one state. I worked for the Missouri Secretary of State’s office for 12 years and was very much involved in the processes used to keep voter rolls as clean as possible. So, are there deceased people on voter rolls? Absolutely. Are there voters on the rolls of more than one state? Certainly. Does this mean that the entire system is flawed, needs an overhaul, and that voter fraud is rampant because of these circumstances? DEFINITELY NOT.

Let us apply a bit of rationality to all this, and take a practical look at each situation, shall we? First, dead voters. Believe it or not, the very first thing that happens when a person passes away is NOT for someone to notify the deceased’s Local Election Authority (LEA) that he or she needs to be removed from the voter rolls. Except where a rural county’s clerk actually knew the deceased, or where the LEA checks the obituaries against the voter rolls, they usually are unaware of a voter’s death. Then how do these voters get removed? Missouri used several methods. First, we did computerized matches against death records from the Dept. of Health & Sr. Svcs. This is not foolproof, however. If the individual died out of state, DHSS would not necessarily be informed. Next, there were matches against the Social Security Administration’s master death database. This helped but, since the decedent’s address may have been different when he/she died than what was on their registration, and we have only the last four digits of SSN, matching could be problematic.

Indeed, automated matching is not as slick as you might hope. A person who registers to vote by filling-out a registration card by hand simply gives or mails it to the election authority and leaves them to enter their data into the registration system. Oops, there’s a few stray marks on this card. Is that birthdate 1/8/1990 or 7/8/1990? Is that Ken Smith or Kim Smith? Our registration software ran SSN and Driver’s License checks against the data when entered, but if the SSN and/or DL was left blank the law requires the assumption to be that the individual does not have one. If the DL was from another state, no matching was done. And, of course, if “Kim Smith” was short for “Kimberly Smith” automated name matching would be less than exact. Furthermore, even SSA’s data can often be many months late in reporting a death. Add to all this that the matching, etc., did NOT remove voters. For safety’s sake, the match created lists that were sent back to the LEAs who then were to verify the matching data and then mark the registrants as deceased in the system — a task that becomes secondary during the crunch of preparing for an election. After a voter misses two federal general elections, they “age off” the voter rolls, so even a record that slips through the cracks will eventually be disabled. Nevertheless, at any given point in time even the most diligent LEAs will have a fair number of deceased voters on their rolls and, statewide, that number could be in the thousands. Does their presence mean voter fraud is occurring? Not at all.

Suppose you read a random obituary before an election and decide that, despite the risk of being convicted of a federal crime, you’re going to vote both as yourself and the dead person. Was he even registered? What polling place would he have voted at? Can you be sure the LEA hasn’t already removed him from the rolls? You have to sign the precinct register (or electronic equivalent), will your signature match? A wrong guess on any of these and you’re in danger of time in Leavenworth. All so you can vote ONE extra vote? And people are claiming this equates to MILLIONS of illegal votes? Give me a break.

But, what of multi-state registrants? When my wife and I left California for Missouri with two cars, a dog, and the few odds and ends that didn’t go on the moving van, we did not stop off at our LEA and notify them that we were moving to another state so they could remove us from the voter rolls. Nobody does. There is a place on the Missouri voter registration form to tell where you used to be registered, but if you leave it blank nothing happens — they just assume you’re a first-time voter. Even if you fill it in, the result is a list that eventually gets sent to the old state’s State Election Authority who then, hopefully, forwards it to the appropriate LEA who, when they get around to it, will mark that registration disabled. Then, there are multi-state automated matches that produce lists of suspected duplicates that the LEAs are given to process, but not all 50 states. Only those nearby. Since Drivers Licenses are subject to the same issue (obtaining one in the new state must cause the old state to be notified and nullify the old license), matching was done against DMV records. Still, all these matching efforts suffer the same uncertainties as described previously. Once again, what is the likelihood that a significant number of people are moronic enough to risk conviction of a felony so they can vote once in their old state and a second time in their current state? If a person tries to vote in the old state and they’ve already removed him, he’s busted.

Could a given state have a few hundred people gutsy and/or dimwitted enough to vote via one of these illegal methods? Perhaps. But even if each state had 1,000 people do so, that would not have changed the election results. If there was any significant voter fraud, it was not because of multi-state registrations or deceased people on the voter rolls. So any hair-on-fire demand for an election process overhaul in response to the existence of deceased or multi-state registrants will be a huge waste of time and money solving a non-problem.

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A Lifetime Commitment

It has been a LONG time since I did a post here, but in honor of my wife and I celebrating our 43rd wedding anniversary, I felt it necessary to address something I ran across recently. I sometimes look at a website called quora.com. It is a forum where people can ask questions and get answers, some of which are from “experts.” As a fiction writer, it gives me a place to ask how to handle a certain situation in writing or, for example if my story needs it, how long a person can be marooned in a small spacecraft before the air becomes unbreathable. That sort of thing. Recently, someone asked the question: “What is the creepiest thing that society accepts as a cultural norm?” There were dozens of answers provided, many of which you would expect: things like female circumcision, India’s caste system, and even child beauty pageants. But I found one answer not only shocking, but quite disturbing. The thing this contributor thought was “the creepiest” was: Marriage for life.

According to this contributor: “…committing to another person for life is not that different than committing to the same job for life… I think it’s odd and creepy that society uses the term ‘failed marriage’ and still questions divorce as a way to pursue individual happiness. There’s no such thing as a failed marriage; just a marriage that ran its course… You can’t be assured that your feelings will always stay the same when you marry…”

Holy moly. There is so much wrong with this perspective/attitude that I scarcely know where to start. I could write a book, but in the interest of time and space, I will try to keep this concise by bullet-pointing a few of the fatal flaws in this viewpoint:

  • Relationship – Emotional love can be a bit of a sine-wave. One time I can be deeply infatuated with my spouse, another time rather blasé. Sometimes I’m ready to move heaven and earth for her, other times I let a little selfishness seep in. Depending on my mood, a quirk of hers can be endearing or irritating. Through all these all-too-human emotional swings, it is our commitment to each other that gets us over the rough patches. We do not have many heated disagreements, but for couples that do, that commitment is even more vital in riding out the storm. I cannot begin to tell you the incredibly destructive force it would have on our marriage if we both believed that we’re only in it as long as our “feelings…stay the same.” If we thought that our marriage vows were no more binding “…than committing to [a] job,” that tentativeness alone would wreak havoc on our relationship. Knowing that we can depend on each others’ love through thick and thin is what makes our marital relationship so magnificent. I love being married, and that is a huge part of the reason why.
  • Children – Arguably, besides food, clothing, and shelter, the greatest need that a child has is a permanent, stable, loving environment. Temporary marriage destroys that. So does the swapping of parental figures. There is an old saying that the best thing a father (or mother) can do for a child is to love the child’s mother (or father). The permanence of the parents’ commitment not only affects a child’s security, self-esteem, and overall sense of well-being, but also his or her physical, mental, and emotional health. How about some hard facts? A 2011 federal study of child abuse found that the riskiest home situation for children was living with one parent and an unmarried partner: 57.2 per 1,000 were maltreated. That’s more than eight times the risk than if they were living with both biological parents (6.8 per 1,000) and more than double the risk of living in a single-parent household (28.4 per 1,000). An article in Psychology Today (01/09/2011) notes: “…that stepchildren, those who live with a stepparent (usually, a stepfather), are anywhere from 40 to 100 times as likely to be murdered or maimed as those who live with two biological parents in the household.”
  • The End – Although we’re both perfectly healthy at the moment, one of these days either my wife or I will come to a point where the end of life is at hand. It is (and will be) of enormous comfort to know that there at our side will be the same person whose love has endured the test of time. The notion that it is perfectly fine to trade-in one’s spouse with the same attitude with which one takes another job–i.e., a better offer has come along–will almost guarantee that the unpleasantness of dealing with a spouse’s final days takes a back seat to “greener pastures” if any are available.
  • And none of this even addresses God’s slant on marriage as eloquently expressed by His Son: what God has joined together, let not man separate. Of course, sometimes, as in the case of spousal abuse or unfaithfulness, separation or even divorce becomes necessary. And, sometimes those subsequent marriages work out well. But I’m willing to bet that those subsequent marriages that succeed nearly always do so because the partners were determined that, though a past marriage did not make it, this one would be “till death us do part.”

    For someone to think that marriage for life represents the creepiest thing that society accepts as a cultural norm is, to me, the creepiest viewpoint I think I’ve ever heard. I can only hope that those who hold such an inane view are the tiniest of minorities within society. If not, I believe that it represents a far greater threat to the continuation of the human species than fanatical terrorism, pollution, or even nuclear weapons.

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    Kindle/Nook ebooks

    For those of you who don’t use Facebook or who may have missed Becki’s posting, I have finally taken the plunge and put a series of my novels out on Kindle and Nook as ebooks. If you have a Kindle or Nook Tablet/Reader you can, of course, download and read them there. Or, if you have an iPad, iPad Mini, iPhone, or probably any other smart phone or tablet device, you can get a free Kindle or Nook app and use those devices to read them. I’ve read entire books on my iPhone and, though you might think it’s too small to read on, it’s really not bad at all.

    The books are in a series called Ever Increasing Glory. The first book is Hidden in a Field, the second is The Way of Escape and the third is Canceled Debts. Although they’re classified as Christian romances they include an attempted murder, a car wreck, a foiled rape attempt, and a guy getting worked over with a rubber hose so they’re not all just romantic fluff.

    You can use the links below or search the Kindle or Nook sites by the series (Ever Increasing Glory), by the titles or by “D. L. Hamilton” (Don Hamilton won’t work).

    Kindle:
    •Book 1: Hidden in a Field
    •Book 2: The Way of Escape
    •Book 3: Canceled Debts

    Or, for the more graphically-oriented, click on the cover image below:

    Hidden in a Field Cover TN The Way of Escape Cover TN Canceled Debts Cover TN

    Nook:
    You can view the whole Ever Increasing Glory series.

    You can read the first few chapters for free and the books themselves are pretty inexpensive. Hope you find the stories enjoyable as well as inspirational.

    God’s blessings,

    Don

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    Goodness!

    What follows are two seemingly unrelated thoughts that actually do tie together, so please bear with me.

    The first relates to a radio commentary I heard recently that made a significant point. It said that the U.S. government should not be as shocked as it is that the “Arab Spring” has not resulted in democracies rife with fundamental freedoms and equality for all citizens in those countries where dictators have been ousted. Our government seems amazed that the rest of the world would not readily embrace the concepts of equality and liberty that we all so cherish. The commentator made the point that our republic succeeded as a form of government because it had Christianity as its underpinnings. Absent those Christian roots of love, kindness, righteousness, and a recognition of the intrinsic worth of each and every individual not only will democracy fail, it doesn’t even make sense. Hence, those non-Christian cultures overthrow a despot simply to trade him for another form of totalitarianism, but one that is more closely allied to the rebels’ views. The despotic governments we see moving in to fill the vacuum in places like Egypt and Libya should serve as a cautionary tale for us as our nation continues to divest itself of its Christian roots.

    The second relates to goodness. It is one of the nine attributes the Apostle Paul lists as the “fruit of the Spirit;” that is, behaviors that result from the work of the indwelling Holy Spirit in a Christian’s life. They are: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There have been any number of Bible studies and curricula that delve into the specifics of each of these and their effect and manifestation in the life of the Christian. However, the one that is often hardest to fashion an hour-long class about is goodness. In fact, one study series I found on the subject was only eight lessons long. They completely skipped over goodness. One can develop myriad class sessions on love, peace, and the nuances of faithfulness. But on the surface “goodness” seems too generic. Okay, we’re supposed to do good, to be good. End of study. However, goodness is a concept that may be more complex than all the others put together. Why? Because it demands that we define “good.” What is good? And how do we know? Is good defined as whatever is best for me, personally? If so, it would be good for me to steal your car since that is to my benefit. And, of course, if you abide by the same definition, it would be “good” for you to slit my throat to get your car back as that would be to your benefit. Etc. So, what then? Is “good” whatever benefits the largest number of people? That just takes the previous examples and expands them. For the majority to steal everything the minority has would be to the majority’s benefit. Hmm… How about goodness is any behavior that does no harm to anyone else? Key question: Why would doing no harm be superior to being cruel and brutal to others? Why would such a philosophy be better than “might makes right?” Or put another way, “Says who?” When there is no Who or where there is only a “who” whose scruples are, well, unscrupulous, the definition of goodness becomes either nonexistent or perverse.

    But, for the Christian, the definition of goodness is so obvious that we cannot even put together a decent hour-long study on it. That is not to say that all Christians’ behavior is characterized by goodness—Lord knows there have been atrocities aplenty among those who claim to be Christian. But evil behavior by fallen, imperfect people does not negate the unsullied Biblical definition of goodness. Which is, if I may wax a tad overly simplistic, goodness = God-ness. In other words, that which is true of our Lord defines that which is good. Hence, we recognize good over evil as: truth over lies, kindness over cruelty, generosity over stinginess, love over selfishness, gentleness over ferocity, mercy over condemnation, sobriety over drunkenness, industriousness over sloth, optimism over pessimism, grace over judgmentalism, and so on. Additionally, not only does this provide a definition of good, it is eternal, unchangeable, and adherence to it has consequences—the approval of the omnipotent God.

    Now to tie these two disparate thoughts together. With a common societal absolute standard of what constitutes good vs. evil it becomes possible to not only establish laws to encourage good and discourage evil, but to trust the citizenry to be a government “of the people.” Good citizenship means to exhibit good behavior—not primarily out of fear of government reprisal but because of the common recognition of what good is and the desire to be good. Those who choose to do evil recognize it as being evil. They understand that they run the risk of suffering the consequences of violating laws that not only exist in some code book but that coincide with Almighty God’s laws. Although there are examples of the church disassociating itself from those involved in flagrant, perpetual, unrepentant sin; by and large Christians are responsible to govern their own behavior and answer to the Lord. Such is not the case in other cultures without Christian influence. Jesus said, “…if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” In many non-Christian societies this concept of individual freedom is completely foreign, not merely to their political power brokers but to the average citizen as well.

    Equality among all citizens and our system of government go hand-in-hand. The New Testament concept of “…in humility consider others better than yourselves…look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Php. 2:3-4) steers citizens toward good behavior and away from our natural dog-eat-dog proclivity. Governments must exist, but they govern benevolently only to the degree that they accurately distinguish good from evil and recognize the infinite, intrinsic worth of each individual deemed precious by the omnipotent God of all. Attempts to frame our republican democracy around a society whose concept of goodness is “might makes right” will quickly degenerate into a totalitarian monstrosity much as we see happening in the middle east. Karl Marx envisioned a utopian society where everyone happily subjugates his own ends for the good of the society at large. But everywhere communism has been tried the result has been oppression by a tyrannical government. The primary reason is that Marxism’s atheistic roots provide no answer to the inevitable “why” question. Why should I set aside what benefits me for the sake of anyone else, let alone for the sake of faceless “society”? Because some guy named Marx says to do so constitutes “goodness”? Who bestowed him with the power to define goodness? For that matter, who bestows anyone, or any government, with the power to define goodness?

    Ah, and so we are back to the basic point. There is Someone with that power. And, not only does He define goodness, the indwelling of His Spirit produces goodness as a by-product of our surrender to His lordship over our lives. As America moves ever further from the Christian basis for its concept of government and from God’s definition of goodness, one cannot help but ask, as Lincoln did, “…whether that nation…can long endure.”

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    Hey, No Problem!

    A newspaper “advice” column that I read regularly (although I honestly do not know why–I do know that I find the questions/problems far more interesting than the answers) had a reader submit a complaint a while back. The complaint was how that today’s modern society, with all its young whippersnappers, had lost its last vestige of civility by the use of the phrase “no problem” in response to a thank you. The reader was incensed that this generation has ceased to use the proper response of “you’re welcome.” Somewhat surprisingly the columnist and several others all agreed. The implication was that saying “no problem” was akin to the President addressing a press conference with “‘Sup dogs?” instead of “Good morning.”

    Personally I believe it to be a non-issue and the complaint completely bogus. Consider: Person A says “Thank you” to Person B. One must assume that Person B had done something for Person A that evoked the comment. Truthfully the so-called kosher response of “You’re welcome” does not make a great deal of sense. You are welcome… to… What, exactly? Let’s recap: Person B does something for Person A, Person A thanks Person B, so Person B is obligated to tell Person A that he or she is welcome. Sorry, I don’t get it. The best I can come up with is that “you’re welcome” is shortened for “You are welcome to request (or expect) me to do the same for you anytime (or at least again).” I guess that’s sort of okay if Person B opened the door for Person A or something, but what if Person B saved Person A from drowning? Is Person A really welcome to try that again? “You’re welcome” has been the common response to a thank-you for decades if not centuries, but it nonetheless seems borderline nonsensical.

    Much superior, to me anyway, is the less common but still acceptably formal “My pleasure.” At least that makes straightforward sense. It means basically that the person being thanked was happy to do whatever he or she is being thanked for. Once again, it is more applicable in some cases than others. If I changed a baby’s ripe, messy diaper, and the baby’s mom thanked me, to say it was my PLEASURE would be a lie, pure and simple.

    Now, is the phrase “No problem” any better or worse? Actually I see it as slightly superior to the others. In the diaper scenario, it indicates that I was perfectly willing to do it–to say it was NO problem may be an exaggeration but far less of a flagrant lie. In the drowning person scenario, certainly the rescuer went to some–perhaps considerable–trouble, but “no problem” says the result was sufficiently positive to offset the effort. Interestingly, in Spanish the response to “Gracias” is “De nada” which means “It’s nothing.” In other words, “I do not consider it an inconvenience” or put another way, “No problem!”

    Occasionally people have used the alternate phrase, “Don’t mention it” in place of you’re welcome. The intent is to say, again, it was a small thing, it was nothing, or “No problem.” However, it has a slightly negative edge that, if taken literally, means I prefer that you not do the very thing you just did–mention it.

    So, I’m afraid all the pretentious types who consider any phrasing newer than the 1920’s uncouth will have to stifle themselves on this one. To the rest of you, no need to thank me. But if you do, hey, no problem.

    That same advice column once had a reader complain that someone who had offended them said, “I owe you an apology” but then left it at that. The issue was that the offended person felt an apology had not happened until the person stated directly, “I’m sorry” or “I apologize” (or, I suppose, “Please forgive me”). Again, the advice columnist agreed. I, however, do not. In this world of entitlement and victim-mentality it is a rare person who will buck up the courage to volunteer any sort of apologetic expression to someone else, regardless of the offense. To admit, “I owe you an apology” is a pretty big step for most people. To skewer them on a technicality because they didn’t reconstruct the sentence properly is to look for a reason to hold a grudge.

    All of which brings to mind a bit of irony I heard once. A distraught person recounting a difficult encounter with someone: “Maybe what I said sounds harsh but, I’m sorry, I’m just not going to apologize.”

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    Wow, What a (Sports) Weekend!

    Who’d a-thunk it? By the end of the weekend, all my favorite sports teams had come through!

    Saturday:

    NCAAF – MIZZOU 31, Texas Tech 27. MIZZOU WINS a nail-biter and is bowl eligible!
    NHL – Sharks 4, Dallas 1. San Jose WINS!

    Sunday:

    NFL – 49ers 23, Arizona 7. SF WINS (now 9-1)!
    NHL – Sharks 4, Colorado 1. San Jose WINS and moves into 1st place!

    Monday:

    NCAAB – MIZZOU 87, Notre Dame 58. MIZZOU WINS what was supposed to be a close game!

    Wonder which team will be the first to break the streak…

    Other random sports thoughts:

    I hear tell that MIZZOU basketball, which had garnered a pretty solid following during the Mike Anderson era, is having trouble attracting fans. The Frank Haith (a) hiring–since he has no exciting track record–and (b) NCAA investigation made me reluctant to get too excited. Then add that one of their best players–and one of their few big men–Laurence Bowers, is out for the season with an injury, and my interest was tepid. But I watched the game noted above and was mightily impressed! This is a tenacious, quick, scrappy team that, at least against Notre Dame, was fun to watch. How far can a 4-guard team go? Dunno, but they’re interesting and worth a look.

    Q: Why aren’t the 49ers–with the second-best record in the NFL–getting any press?
    A: The obvious answer would be east-coast media bias which, no doubt, plays a part. But the main issue is the lack of a “name” player. The media always wants an individual they can tout as “you should watch this team because of so-and-so if for no other reason.” Hence, it’s always “watch Eli Manning and the NY Giants take on Ray Lewis and the hard-hitting Ravens,” etc. But the 49ers have no marquee player. Certainly “Alex Smith and the 49ers” would not gain many viewers. And, although they have plenty of quality players who, together, are a formidable team, there are no true superstars. Patrick Willis? O-kay. Frank Gore? Yawn. Novarro Bowman? Who? The only “name” they have is the coach, Jim Harbaugh. Not much of a promo to say, “See the 49ers play Baltimore and watch Harbaugh’s post-game handshake!” So, face it, no matter how well they do, even in the playoffs, this blue-collar team of no-names is never going to garner much press.

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