Anthrocide

If you’re one of those people who cannot resist forwarding those 12th-generation forwarded emails because of the amazing things they reveal that you never knew, here are my

TEN TIPS FOR PEOPLE WHO FORWARD EMAILS WITH SHOCKING NEWS, SAD TALES, PETITIONS, OR MEDICAL CLAIMS FROM SOME AUTHORITATIVE-SOUNDING PERSON:

1 – Assume it is a lie. This assumption will be correct 99.999999% of the time.

2 – Realize that the truthfulness of the email has nothing to do with the trustworthiness of the person who sent it to you. You may receive it from your most trusted friend, but the question is not your friend’s character, it is the character of the person who ORIGINATED the email. Since virtually all of them are lies, hoaxes, and misrepresentations these originators are lying con-artists. I, personally, have no use for people like that and refuse to be one of their patsies who spread their lies to others. Anyone who creates a phony email like “the American Cancer Society will donate money to help sick little Jimmy every time an email is forwarded” is nothing but a liar and a sleazeball. If he will lie and make a fool out of people over something like this he is probably a greasy, egotistical, child-abusing creep. Why in heaven’s name would I want to forward something created by a slimeball like that to others just because his idiot email tells me to?

3 – Assume it is a hoax. If you have a means to check whether it is true, do so before you forward it. If you cannot positively confirm it as true or if you do not have any way to confirm it, do not forward it. Of the thousands of these types of emails I’ve seen, I found one (yes, exactly one) that appears to be actually true via this technique. Apparently they really did find chariots from the time of Pharaoh at the bottom of the Red Sea. Anyway, if you do not have access to do verifications or don’t seem to have much success with them, ask someone who does before forwarding such emails.

4 – Understand that Mr. Sleazeball can claim the information in his lying email was said or endorsed by anyone: the President, Kelly Clarkson, the American Heart Association, Payton Manning, Dr. C. Everett Koop, Mother Theresa, or the Director of Pediatrics at Johns-Hopkins. Including some impressive or well-known name in an email that is baloney means nothing–not even if the email is supposedly “signed” at the bottom by that person. Nor does claiming so-and-so said such-and-such on “Meet the Press” on October 16, 2006. Mr. Sleazeball knows people won’t check if that really happened and that they will believe him if he puts something specific in, even if he just made it up.

5 – Assume it is nonsense. “But what if I really will die an agonizing death because I use aspartame or margarine or drink from cans that Hawaiian mice have urinated on or drink cold drinks with a hot meal that cause the grease to solidify in my intestines?” To this I can only say two things: (a) Taking health advice from Mr. Sleazeball is not a good practice and (b) If you are willing to give such a story enough creedence to forward it to anyone else, you should be willing to first take 3 minutes to check if it is true. Two sources I use are urbanlegends.about.com and snopes.com. If I cannot find any reference to something there, I’ll just do some Google searches to see what I can find on my own. If there really is a potential health risk, be assured that it will be documented somewhere else besides a forwarded email. If not, where did the email originator get the information? Correct, from his twisted mind.

6 – The fact that the email supports a cause we support, says something we agree with, or portrays something we wish were true does not make it true. MADD is not circulating a poem and petition, computer researchers did not discover Joshua’s long day, and Bill Gates will not give you money for forwarding an email. Lies do not suddenly become true because we’d like them to be.

7 – Assume it is false. And seeing is NOT believing. There is software out there such as Photoshop that, in skilled hands, can make phony pictures that look incredibly realistic such as a killer whale attacking a man dangling from a helicopter, a plane about to hit the WTC on 9/11 in the background of a tourist picture, or a man holding a very stiff 87-pound house cat–they’re all just doctored photos.

8 – An email that claims to be Christian could very easily have been created by Mr. Sleazeball. In fact, one oft-forwarded email has a lame “pro-Christian” poem purportedly written by Maya Angelou. It wasn’t. The person who claims she wrote it is a bald-faced liar; probably Mr. Sleazeball. You don’t want to help this clown spread lies just because he says positive things about Christianity do you?

9 – Assume it is not true. And, as your 7th grade teacher probably told you regarding True-False tests, if it is not 100% true, it is false. The fact that there is indeed an 800 number where you can put your cell phone on a federal no-call list does not mean lists of cell numbers are going to be made available to phone-solicitors “in 31 days” (this has been circulating for over two and a half YEARS and it never happened).

10 – Do not forward any email just because it tells you to. You wouldn’t go drown yourself just because an email told you to, would you? Not even if it told you to drown yourself IF YOU REALLY LOVE JESUS!!!!!!! Right? My expression of my love for the Lord Jesus is NOT dictated by some idiot email. I love the Lord with all my heart and it makes me PROUD to delete moronic emails that tell me I don’t love Him if I delete them. As far as I’m concerned the people who write those kinds of emails need to go drown themselves UNLESS THEY ARE TOO ASHAMED OF THE LORD TO GO DO IT! Good grief!